Previously featured on YouTube before ultimately being ousted by the powers that be (those powers being the people behind "Nail Gun Massacre") thecinemasnob.com will
feature all of the Snob's videos, old and new, and also brand new shows and full length original movies for those of us who already can't get enough of Z-Grade Cinema.
6/9/2010 4:56 AMJustin wrote:
I assume some of them are donated by people who secretly hate him.
The others he probably finds at local mom and pop video stores and ebay. Reply to this
6/9/2010 4:49 AM
Midnight S. wrote:
Haha, This was a fantastic episode Snob,My favorite one aside from Riki-oh actually. Your talented at what you do and here's to many more to come our way in the future along with your inevitable success.
PS: The praising of the car and you quickly popping up to scream LEAVE was simply hilarious xD! Reply to this
6/9/2010 4:58 AMPunky wrote:
I never thought I will ever see you reviewing a movie like this one. I LOLed too much watching this but I know you suffered a lot watching this piece of crap so I salute you and hope nothing worse than this comes your way. Reply to this
6/9/2010 5:27 AMForgotten Junk wrote:
I'm actually baffled this piece of shit was ever released, even more so with the fact it ended up on DVD. Not to mention, it's impossible to make out anything that's happening during the night scenes. Reply to this
This review was absolutely hilarious. I honestly didn't believe you when you claimed this was worse than Las Vegas Bloodbath. Now I know how truly wrong I was. Reply to this
6/9/2010 6:14 AM
just some guy wrote:
holy God, I can not believe Brad has reviewed this
I bought this off Amazon for like literally one cent after reading about it on I Mockery
6/9/2010 6:57 AM
Matt Johnston wrote:
Somebody beat me to this, but, nice parody of Ryan O'Neal's abysmal acting in 'Tough Guys Don't Dance.' Reply to this
6/9/2010 7:10 AM
glenn wrote:
Good episode. Funnily enough I never noticed that Ax'em was made in the early 90s before! Now that the Snob is doing requests could he please look at MAHAAKAL. It's the Bollywood Nightmare on Elm Street and features singing, dancing and slapstick comedy. Apparently there is another Indian Nightmare on Elm street but I don't know what it's called. Reply to this
6/9/2010 8:07 AM
David wrote:
I don't think it's just a coincidence that "Ax 'em" is ebonics for "Ask them". As in "Ax 'em why the hell they made this movie." Reply to this
6/9/2010 8:10 AM
Enji wrote:
I'd love to see "The Weekend It Lives", just to see if the movie makes anymore sense. Seeing how it's pretty obvious that York Home Video cut the hell out of the movie (and added a God Awful new soundtrack) to make "Ax 'Em"
Worst Movie Ever? Well... you haven't seen Night of Horror yet. Reply to this
11/18/2010 2:57 PM
Anonymous wrote:
"The weekend =it lives" was the original title for "Axe 'Em"....trust me, i was there when the movie was made. LOL Reply to this
6/9/2010 8:50 AM
PepethePoodle wrote:
I admit I'am not the biggest expert on rap music but I'am pretty sure the music(specifically at the 6:16 mark)was added on long after the 90s were over, since they don't sound like something from the early 90s.
Actually with all this talk about the 90s I was expecting a cameo from 90s Kid but alas no. Now if you excuse me I off lo play SSF2T on my 3DO before the newest episode of Roundhouse comes on. Reply to this
6/9/2010 9:38 AM
Alex wrote:
Great review as always...But there may be a worse film, or at least the most fucked up Shot On Shitteo film, Necrofiles. Check this fucker out. Reply to this
6/9/2010 9:41 AM
glenn wrote:
Clearly, bad though Ax'em is, it isn't really the worst film ever made. Can you even measure abysmal on a scale. I often wonder what is the most average film ever made and whether or not it would actually be worse than the worst films ever made? Bad films have cult fans, a truly average film would just drift over you eliciting neither hatred or enthusiasm, whilst generating nothing more than a shrug. Reply to this
6/9/2010 9:56 AMLucasChad wrote:
The funniest part of this review is watching the shot of the kids running back to the house which ends with one of the actors mugging in front of the camera. I'm like, "who the hell would leave an outtake in the movie?"
6/9/2010 10:02 AM
Booloo wrote:
Am I the only one who noticed a lack of Axes in this movie? Was I just not paying attention or something? Reply to this
6/9/2010 7:16 PM
CapnG wrote:
I certainly found the virtual ax-less-ness to be confusing but par for the course considering the overall quality of the film. Reply to this
6/9/2010 11:09 AM
Tim wrote:
I hate to say this I hope I don't offend anybody but *iggas can't make slashers. There is a movie worse than Axe'em its "Holla If You Hear Me" look it up on IMDB. Brad you have to review Killjoy and Killjoy 2. Reply to this
6/9/2010 11:13 AM
David Fullam wrote:
Freeze frame the opening back story titles. No wonder they zipped by so fast, the movie also murdered the English language. Reply to this
6/9/2010 11:34 AM
Gr.Viper wrote:
Wait, isn't one of them the "so black, it's white" DJ from Sega CD Make My Video that Spoony reviewed? Reply to this
6/9/2010 11:49 AM
Hellbishop wrote:
The horror of technology in the wrong hands. Too bad the FAT BOYS didnt come running out of the dark woods to lay down some real terror.
Owie! Looks like in the "I've fallen and cant get up" scene the female actress actually kicks the guy on the ground real hard
I actually felt despair creeping into me when they "FOUND A CAR".
Thank you Cinema Snob for protecting us from a full dose of this toxic spirit poisoning work. Just watching the clips made me feel queasy. Reply to this
6/9/2010 12:10 PM
Hymirvetr wrote:
The Track when the Snob opens the letter.....is it "Kratos" from the Tales of Symphonia OST,or am i just insane? Reply to this
6/9/2010 10:52 PM
AddictedtoMedia wrote:
I definitely heard Tales of Symphonia music. I took me a few hours to place it...
Snob, please weigh in, it will only help to ease my tortured soul... Reply to this
6/10/2010 8:07 AM
Hymirvetr wrote:
Checked it myself,it is "Kratos" from the Symphonia OST.
Had to dig out all the CDs but it was so worth it. Reply to this
6/9/2010 12:20 PM
CrimsonDusk wrote:
Truly the Snob has proved again that bad cinema is easy to smell and hard to get over. Reply to this
6/9/2010 12:24 PM
Ryan wrote:
Yes! I laughed so hard with the Tough Guys Don't Dance line reading spoof. I ****ing love you! Reply to this
6/9/2010 12:49 PMskrag2112 wrote:
God! Its like they jammed every horrible thing from the early 90s into this movie! I was almost expecting a 'Cop Rock' reference. Reply to this
6/9/2010 1:02 PM
Stephen wrote:
Oh my god, Brad, this is one of if not your best episode yet. And, I don't know if this was you or the Snob talking, because it is definitely something the Snob would say, but I was glad to hear one of you disliked rap. Reply to this
6/9/2010 3:16 PM
Jesse wrote:
Personally, I'm a big fan of any old school rap, and this movie seems like it has some nice reminders of that whole early-90s scene (even if they have nothing to do with the whole ax-killer zombie thing). But then again, it seems like they ended up dubbing most of the music with the shitty bitches-and-ho's-and-bling rap that was slowly becoming prevalent in 2002, and there's where I and the Snob can vehemently agree that rap is crap.
Fantastic review as usual, Brad. And I was going to say that 2002's BEN AND ARTHUR could easily rival LAS VEGAS BLOODBATH as the worst shot on shitteo movie ever made, but then again, you've got that whole 1995 cut-off point, apparently. Well, if the Snob should ever decide to make an exception, pleaseohpleaseohplease keep B&A in mind. Otherwise, keep up the good work! Reply to this
6/9/2010 3:42 PMMartialHorror wrote:
lol, at least there is no Ax 'Em 2......Although since it took 10 years for this one to be made, maybe one day another will rise from beyond the grave. Reply to this
6/9/2010 4:11 PM
Nyar wrote:
There is only ONE worst movie of all times, unfortunately (or fortunately better say) that movie is way new (2008) so you will never review it I guess....
Also it would be a very boring review since there is not much one could say about a film with only 7 shots in it.
On the other hand.. There is no way out of here. It will be dark soon.
6/9/2010 4:21 PMLC wrote:
i can't believe brad missed that the scene of the guy shooting his family was a rip off / parody of the amityville horror but still great review I couldn't stop laughing Reply to this
6/9/2010 6:25 PMRyan wrote:
Seriously, I went to a Movie Gallery that was closing down and they actually had a copy of Ax'Em! I was this close to picking it up, especially since I remember Something Awful doing a review of it years ago but didn't because I grabbed...you know, GOOD movies. But now I really regret not picking it up.
PS - I loved the "OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD OH MAN" reference. Reply to this
6/9/2010 7:49 PMNils B-Film wrote:
Wow. This one looks... bad. Even in my most masocistic days, I would doubt giving it a try. The audio, the light-speed intro text, the out-of nowhere shotgun scene, and that ending... Oh god, oh man. Some home video film projects should remain resting in peace. Reply to this
6/9/2010 7:52 PM
Corey wrote:
I finally went through and watched every episode of Cinema Snob and this is the best episode yet. It even beats the pure shock value of E.T Porno (god damnit, now I just made myself remember E.T Porno). Reply to this
6/9/2010 7:57 PM
Keir Ayres wrote:
The worst film I've ever seen would probably be "Oversexed Rugsuckers from Mars"
The worst part is I've found out recently that Lionsgate has rereleased the film on DVD, urrrgh Reply to this
6/9/2010 8:13 PM
pandaeyes42 wrote:
I thought you said "Porno Holocaust" was the worst fucking movie ever made!!! Reply to this
6/9/2010 8:50 PM
badgersprite wrote:
Oh god oh man, what a horrible movie. Sorry you had to sit through this.
Honestly, the only thing I can think of that might possibly be even worse than Ax 'Em would be Tonya Harding's sex tape. Reply to this
6/9/2010 9:07 PM
SpoonyBard wrote:
Mithos is sending you letters huh? Ok.
As featured in Michael Adam's great book about his year long journey to find the worst film ever, AX 'EM was originally called THE WEEKEND IT LIVES and shot for $650(!)
But it gets better...The writer/director/actor was, at the time, the son of the head of NAACP (!!). And, the head had all members of the NAACP attend a special screening and forced to sit through it.
But this info comes with a bitter aftertaste. Who recommended this film to Michael Adams? Eli Roth. Reply to this
6/9/2010 9:26 PMBrad wrote:
Of course Eli Roth would recommend this film. That way his movie seem good by comparison. Sorta. Reply to this
6/9/2010 10:13 PM
gf120581 wrote:
I recently got Adam's book and read about "Ax'Em" in it too. And yes, Michael Mfume is the son of former NAACP head (and former Congressman) Kwesie Mfume. Apparently, according to Roth, there's footage of that screening which shows all the NAACP brass coming out of the theater looking like they'd just been to a Klan rally. Maybe that's why Dad's no longer in charge over there. Reply to this
6/10/2010 2:18 AM
glenn wrote:
Eli Roth's approach to editing,characterisation and linear story telling was clearly influenced by Ax'em. I think the Friday The 13th reboot makers were also taking notes. Maybe Micheal Adams misunderstood Roth's "hip jive" and assumed he meant Ax'em was "bad" in the literal sense rather than the Micheal Jackson sense. Reply to this
6/9/2010 9:29 PM
Teddy wrote:
I've heard of this movie a while ago, but I could never get a hold of it. By the looks of it, the worst thing seems to be the sound, with the bad mixing and the horrendous rap soundtrack. Oh, and Jillian reciting that letter was fucking intense Reply to this
6/9/2010 9:59 PM
Patrick wrote:
at around 2:16. I think i've heard that music in a video game called "Tales of Symphonia". Is that were you got it? Reply to this
6/9/2010 10:39 PM
Dale Elie wrote:
I'm sorry I have to bring this up but their is a much worse film called Chick Boxer which has most of the same cast(and music) as Galaxy Of The Dinosaurs. Some of Axe'em's dialogue at least sounds natural their is not even an attempt at acting in Chick Boxer. I'll have to re-check the year it was made though I don't know it falls in the right year for you.
Chick Boxer also has one of the main actor's from Horror Vision who later became pretty decent actor as an episode of Law And Order Would suggest.
6/9/2010 11:01 PM
rudy023 wrote:
Ax Them? You just stole the Dig Them joke from Family Guy. But if you're going to steal a joke from that show, at least you stole it from an episode from a long time ago when that show was actually still funny! Reply to this
6/9/2010 11:31 PMJoe wrote:
I think one more shitty movie and the Cinema Snob is going to have a severe mental breakdown! Let us hope that we do not have to find out if there is indeed something worse out there than this. Reply to this
This movie definitely loks so bad its funny though. While parts look like they drag (Seriously, how long was that monologue joke uncut?) the awful effects, horrible dialogue, worse editing then me when I was 9, and 4th wall breaking idiot actors its gotta have some good riff value to it at least.
Funny episode as usual, Brad. I liked the gameboy joke hehe... that brings me back Reply to this
6/10/2010 12:02 AM
Redliph wrote:
I am glad to see nobody accused you of being racist or anything yet. You have some classy fans. Nice review and definitely a piece of shit, no doubt about it. Reply to this
6/10/2010 3:56 AM
MisterBibs wrote:
Maybe it's just me, but I can almost see a kernel of a interesting horror movie in this film. A bunch of kids learn about a legendary murder/suicide that says the killer will return as a zombie. The kids meet a zombie, and during their attempts to get away from it, assume that this is the zombie in the legends. Some survive the conflict, but the audience learns that the teens faced a completely different zombie, and now the Legendary Zombie is aware of the teens. Reply to this
6/10/2010 10:17 PM
lloyd wrote:
My vote is still for Las vegas Bloodbath. Even with what little he showed it still felt like torture waiting for something to happen in that movie. At least Ax 'em had a decent prop gun and could get the actors to be on set at the same time. Reply to this
6/11/2010 1:56 AM
Boredlizzie wrote:
Awesome video! I love the bit where you look off to the side, contemplating Jason Vorhees with a gun. These are getter better every time! Reply to this
6/11/2010 2:00 AM
Dylan Montgomery wrote:
I recognize the tune from the "Oh God, oh man!" segment. That was from Tales of Symphonia. Reply to this
6/11/2010 9:58 AM
Joe wrote:
I sped-read the title-cards. If I were teaching an English class, I would fail them. "... a mean Town man." wtf? "... is man killed ..." wtf AGAIN! why the random capitalization, and who can't afford to spell-check their five sentence title cards in over a decade of waiting for release? Reply to this
6/11/2010 11:40 AM
J.J.80 wrote:
Sorry. I'd have to say LVBB was a far worse movie IMHO. I mean it was so bad that I was tempted to FF through or stop the review all together.
I'd have to say the suicide and the zombie looked kinda cool. And you have to admit the gun props were WAYYYY the hell better in this movie. Wouldn't you agree? Awesome review once again. Reply to this
6/11/2010 12:52 PM
Bobby wrote:
Nice reference to Tough Guys Don't Dance Brad. Thank you Blind in Rikers.
6/12/2010 4:59 AM
hipshimmy wrote:
I cant believe there were 90s blaxploitation films. How could those fraternities allow them to their letters? Why did I feel like killing the people in the movie after watching the review of it? Reply to this
6/12/2010 10:02 AM
Mat wrote:
I've been following you for about a year, and the more I see of your unscripted, normal vlogs the more I hate the Cinema Snob.
I understand that's the whole gimmick and you can also script jokes in etc, but you're way more engaging and entertaining just being yourself.
You're not going to stop making Cinema Snob stuff obviously but just thought I'd say that. More vlogs! Reply to this
6/12/2010 10:51 AMErik Mickle wrote:
There's a more worst movie than this floating around. It's called Cheerleader Autopsy. god, I watched this and it's a rare movie that I gave one star on netflix. check it out just to know that movies made in Georiga should never been seen. Reply to this
6/13/2010 9:51 AM
Juan Carlo wrote:
Brad is it possible if you review "Out of the Dark" it was released on the 1980's Reply to this
6/19/2010 3:48 AM
Crenshaw Pete wrote:
Being a huge fan of the Friday the 13th films, I just HAD to shop this up upon hearing the Jason Voorhees with a gun line.
6/25/2010 6:18 PM
Big Nicky wrote:
I'm not defending this movie, but to say this is worse than Las Vegas Bloodbath is crazy talk. For what it's worth, at least this movie has that "so bad it's good" quality to it, or at least, "so bad it's at least funny." LVB was physically painful. Reply to this
6/26/2010 5:53 PM
Tetsuryu wrote:
Well, to be totally honest, "Ax Them" sounds like "Ask them" spoken in Maine accent. Reply to this
7/1/2010 5:16 PM
Daniel Kepley wrote:
This review was hilarious as all get out! This movie sounds to me like an extended IN LIVING COLOR sketch, given the ineptitude of the editing and the writing. Plus, the mugging of the actors seals the deal, especially the running-and-screaming bits! The Aristocrats FTW! Reply to this
7/5/2010 11:56 PM
Phantasmgoria wrote:
When even the opening credits have spelling and grammatical errors, it's pretty much a guarantee that the movie will suck. Reply to this
7/25/2010 1:00 PM
NecroArmorLink wrote:
Hah! awesome review! I think this movie has one good thing going for it...The next time you hear a black comedian joke about the differences white people and black people would handle themselves in such a situation, you can just show them this movie. The lesson of this story? It doesn't matter if you are black or white, your both Fucking Morons lol Reply to this
8/4/2010 7:43 PM
31337garak wrote:
Seems to me that the director wanted to make a movie he could star in, so he got some friends and made it a party weekend. And then they watched the totally unscripted movie, cut the most awful rambling parts (yes I believe it got worse). When they were done they realized it was still horrible and hid it. 10 years later it was found and someone thought I can use this! They spiced in 3 hastily written title cards, the first and last zombie shot and the amityville horror in the middle, sprinkle in some newer rap and VoilĂ . Reply to this
8/8/2010 12:05 PM
Glen wrote:
The award for best "shot on shitteo" film goes to...
The Nostalgia Critics 2 year anniversary special Reply to this
8/11/2010 12:21 PM
John wrote:
And here I thought Don't Go in the Woods was one of the worst slashers in existence. Dear God unto heaven, please strike me down for watching this shit-dripping, semen spewing, malt liquor drinking, horrible blaxplotation of a slasher film (oh did I say film? Fuck if I did, because calling it a film would mean it would at least have the goddamn decency to have a good rundown). Reply to this
8/26/2010 2:07 PM
Glen wrote:
This film does have one reedeming feature. It has more realistic gun effects than Las Vegas Bloodbath Reply to this
9/5/2010 11:29 AM
Cmack007 wrote:
I have not laughed so hard watching someone review something as atrocious as Axe Em! I'm just in awe! I knew there were bad movies out there but, seeing this review takes the cake! Reply to this
9/18/2010 1:40 PM
Deadpool wrote:
Well... that was soo bad i think a part of my brain did start too cry... Or was that because of the music and the over load of ppl screaming and acting like they where the mold of every black joke in history? Reply to this
10/1/2010 9:54 AM
Dolby wrote:
I love this review. It is one of the funniest that I have seen, I love the part when you say "check my mailbox", just something about that has me cracking up laughing! Also, the aristocrats joke is also hilarious! Reply to this
10/7/2010 4:23 PM
Bauglir100 wrote:
I do not believe those scenes were incomplete. I think that the editor forgot to alter the movie so that all the scenes were arranged in the proper order. Really, was it too hard to rearrange this movie's scenes into a consistant order? Anyone can do it! Hell, I could do it using Windows Movie Maker. In fact, I just might do that one day. Hopefully, it will make "Ax 'Em" a little more watchable, albeit still stupid. Reply to this
10/17/2010 5:01 AM
Chris wrote:
This was a hilariously bad movie. The technical aspects alone made me question why video distrubitors picked this movie up in the first place. This title was at most video stores just a decade ago. Reply to this
12/4/2010 11:17 AM
Strelnikov wrote:
The guy at 12:27 was hilarious....this crudbucket was released for a short time in Baltimore in 1993 (allegedly because Mfume's father was a big wheel in the government; I don't get that either.) Blackhorrormovies.com considers this to be the worst movie ever made. Reply to this
12/10/2010 3:51 AMatypicaloracle wrote:
It's one hell of a warning sign when the opening title cards are filled with typographical errors ("Towns man?" Really?) and the sort of syntax that suggests a very, very distant and somewhat cold relationship with the English language, the kind where you don't make eye contact during the holidays and you never speak to one another beyond a frosty greeting spoken between clenched-teeth smiles. Ugh. Reply to this
12/20/2010 4:32 AM
Glen wrote:
In the opening text says a murderer killed his family in 1990, and that 13 years he will return. Which means the film takes place in 2003 Reply to this
1/25/2011 6:07 AMNPTEL wrote:
I was very pleased to find this site. I wanted to thank you for this great read!! This is a very informative post, it helps me more. Reply to this
1/25/2011 9:54 AMgriddles wrote:
I was glad at first to see that Cinema Snob tackle the interesting movie Ax Em, and I can't wait to see what more films I'm going to read about here. Reply to this
2/2/2011 1:10 PM
ango wrote:
I hate to say this I hope I don't offend anybody but *iggas can't make slashers. There is a movie worse than Axe'em its "Holla If You Hear Me" look it up on IMDB. Brad you have to review Killjoy and Killjoy 2. Reply to this
2/3/2011 5:32 PM
AMP wrote:
IMDb says the movie's budget was $650, so that explains so much. To put that into more of a perspective; Criminally Insane had a budget of fucking $30,000; which looks just as fucking shitting as Ax 'Em! I ws looking for information on Las Vagas Blood Bath, and I found absolutely nothing. If that and Black Devil Doll from Hell have a lower budget than this piece of shit; then I'll just fuckin... damnit.
What scares me more is that there's no mention of dialouge or quotes on the page either; which makes me think that this was as unscripted as Anus Magillicutty; which also had a fucking better budget. Reply to this
5/3/2011 12:22 AMStampa online wrote:
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5/9/2011 7:56 AMengineering colleges in ncr wrote:
This is such a great resource that you are providing and you give it away for free. I love seeing websites that understand the value of providing a quality information. Thanks for sharing. Reply to this
3/3/2012 8:52 PM
Caio Trubat wrote:
I can't hear a goddamn thing in this fucking movie. The sound quality is terrible and the actors are speaking gibberish. I am surprised Brad managed to make out what they were saying. Reply to this
6/14/2012 6:42 PM
Quinton wrote:
Actually, the movie's plot is more or less a plagiarism of Hell Night's plot. The man with the shotgun had a wife and three sons. He killed his wife and two of the children. The third child was never found and presumed dead and that's the guy running around killing people with the machete. Reply to this
6/15/2012 6:45 PM
Quinton wrote:
Also, I really don't get how people are saying Las Vegas Blood Bath is worse than this. At least that movie had some good gore and a comprehendable storyline. And sound, don't forget sound! I don't believe these people have actually watched Las Vegas Blood Bath and they're just basing their opinion of it around one review that wasn't even a serious review. It was done in-character and doesn't necessarily reflect Brad's true feelings about (or it may, you should really ask him and not me). Don't get me wrong, Ax 'em is endearing in its own weird way, but is technically inferior to Las Vegas Blood Bath and if anything less entertaining as well. Reply to this
2/19/2013 10:02 AMDIYFilmSchool.net wrote:
Snob, take a look at the rest of this review then go back and entertain your MC Hammer comment. Referencing him is the least of this flick's worries. Reply to this
Unfortunately my page hates donate buttons and the link doesn't work, but if you would like to help out The Cinema Snob, my Paypal account is under thecinemasnob@yahoo.com
Ax 'em.
The far less popular sequel to Dig 'Em.
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Oh god oh man oh god oh man this movie sucks!
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Few things:
- Doth we have our first glimpse of 90's Blaxploitation on TCS?
- This whole film looked like a fucking FMV from a Sega Saturn.
- Nice use of Urkle sound clip.
- Ax 'Em, taken strictly at title value, sounds like it would be a bitchin' Atari game.
Reply to this
The Tough Guys Don't Dance reference = amazing.
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Where do you find all those 'gems'?
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I assume some of them are donated by people who secretly hate him.
The others he probably finds at local mom and pop video stores and ebay.
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Haha, This was a fantastic episode Snob,My favorite one aside from Riki-oh actually. Your talented at what you do and here's to many more to come our way in the future along with your inevitable success.
PS: The praising of the car and you quickly popping up to scream LEAVE was simply hilarious xD!
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I never thought I will ever see you reviewing a movie like this one. I LOLed too much watching this but I know you suffered a lot watching this piece of crap so I salute you and hope nothing worse than this comes your way.
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ZOMBIE WITH A GUN!
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I'm actually baffled this piece of shit was ever released, even more so with the fact it ended up on DVD. Not to mention, it's impossible to make out anything that's happening during the night scenes.
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So...did they find a car?
This review was absolutely hilarious. I honestly didn't believe you when you claimed this was worse than Las Vegas Bloodbath. Now I know how truly wrong I was.
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holy God, I can not believe Brad has reviewed this
I bought this off Amazon for like literally one cent after reading about it on I Mockery
it's maybe even worse than Manos
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You got robbed.
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Somebody beat me to this, but, nice parody of Ryan O'Neal's abysmal acting in 'Tough Guys Don't Dance.'
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Good episode. Funnily enough I never noticed that Ax'em was made in the early 90s before!
Now that the Snob is doing requests could he please look at MAHAAKAL. It's the Bollywood Nightmare on Elm Street and features singing, dancing and slapstick comedy. Apparently there is another Indian Nightmare on Elm street but I don't know what it's called.
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I don't think it's just a coincidence that "Ax 'em" is ebonics for "Ask them". As in "Ax 'em why the hell they made this movie."
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I'd love to see "The Weekend It Lives", just to see if the movie makes anymore sense. Seeing how it's pretty obvious that York Home Video cut the hell out of the movie (and added a God Awful new soundtrack) to make "Ax 'Em"
Worst Movie Ever? Well... you haven't seen Night of Horror yet.
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"The weekend =it lives" was the original title for "Axe 'Em"....trust me, i was there when the movie was made. LOL
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well, at least the soundtrack is better than the soundtrack from Black Devil Doll From Hell.
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I admit I'am not the biggest expert on rap music but I'am pretty sure the music(specifically at the 6:16 mark)was added on long after the 90s were over, since they don't sound like something from the early 90s.
Actually with all this talk about the 90s I was expecting a cameo from 90s Kid but alas no. Now if you excuse me I off lo play SSF2T on my 3DO before the newest episode of Roundhouse comes on.
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I just wanted to say that I loved the Crazy Castle game, and reference.
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I'm fairly sure this was an early Tyler Perry film.
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Great review as always...But there may be a worse film, or at least the most fucked up Shot On Shitteo film, Necrofiles. Check this fucker out.
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Necrofiles clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pu7K-vH7r-0
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Clearly, bad though Ax'em is, it isn't really the worst film ever made. Can you even measure abysmal on a scale.
I often wonder what is the most average film ever made and whether or not it would actually be worse than the worst films ever made? Bad films have cult fans, a truly average film would just drift over you eliciting neither hatred or enthusiasm, whilst generating nothing more than a shrug.
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The funniest part of this review is watching the shot of the kids running back to the house which ends with one of the actors mugging in front of the camera. I'm like, "who the hell would leave an outtake in the movie?"
Kickassia reference FTW!
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I could watch this all day long and still be laughing hard!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zD4nrYFfwSY
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Am I the only one who noticed a lack of Axes in this movie? Was I just not paying attention or something?
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He used a machete but I assure you the axes were implied.
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If you look carefully, the zombie in the very last shot has an axe. But still, a serious lack of axes
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One axe? Jeez why not just call it Hack 'em then.
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I certainly found the virtual ax-less-ness to be confusing but par for the course considering the overall quality of the film.
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I hate to say this I hope I don't offend anybody but *iggas can't make slashers. There is a movie worse than Axe'em its "Holla If You Hear Me" look it up on IMDB. Brad you have to review Killjoy and Killjoy 2.
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Freeze frame the opening back story titles. No wonder they zipped by so fast, the movie also murdered the English language.
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Wait, isn't one of them the "so black, it's white" DJ from Sega CD Make My Video that Spoony reviewed?
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The horror of technology in the wrong hands. Too bad the FAT BOYS didnt come running out of the dark woods to lay down some real terror.
Owie! Looks like in the "I've fallen and cant get up" scene the female actress actually kicks the guy on the ground real hard
I actually felt despair creeping into me when they "FOUND A CAR".
Thank you Cinema Snob for protecting us from a full dose of this toxic spirit poisoning work. Just watching the clips made me feel queasy.
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The Track when the Snob opens the letter.....is it "Kratos" from the Tales of Symphonia OST,or am i just insane?
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I definitely heard Tales of Symphonia music. I took me a few hours to place it...
Snob, please weigh in, it will only help to ease my tortured soul...
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Checked it myself,it is "Kratos" from the Symphonia OST.
Had to dig out all the CDs but it was so worth it.
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Truly the Snob has proved again that bad cinema is easy to smell and hard to get over.
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Yes! I laughed so hard with the Tough Guys Don't Dance line reading spoof. I ****ing love you!
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I'm black and I'm confused with this film
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God! Its like they jammed every horrible thing from the early 90s into this movie! I was almost expecting a 'Cop Rock' reference.
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This feels like the kind of movie Uncle Ruckus watches to fuel his hatred.
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Nice, Tales of Symphonia music! One of my favorite games =D
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Oh my god, Brad, this is one of if not your best episode yet. And, I don't know if this was you or the Snob talking, because it is definitely something the Snob would say, but I was glad to hear one of you disliked rap.
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I uploaded this for people to test their pain tolerance with. No joke, the whole movie, for your viewing "pleasure"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Re5xpf2j94E&feature=PlayList&p=6700B663111654FE&playnext_from=PL&index=0
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"This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by Michael Mfume"
*sad trombone*
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OH MAN OH GOD OH MAN!
Awesome reference.
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Dude! Tales of Symphonia!! AWESOME!!!
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Personally, I'm a big fan of any old school rap, and this movie seems like it has some nice reminders of that whole early-90s scene (even if they have nothing to do with the whole ax-killer zombie thing). But then again, it seems like they ended up dubbing most of the music with the shitty bitches-and-ho's-and-bling rap that was slowly becoming prevalent in 2002, and there's where I and the Snob can vehemently agree that rap is crap.
Fantastic review as usual, Brad. And I was going to say that 2002's BEN AND ARTHUR could easily rival LAS VEGAS BLOODBATH as the worst shot on shitteo movie ever made, but then again, you've got that whole 1995 cut-off point, apparently. Well, if the Snob should ever decide to make an exception, pleaseohpleaseohplease keep B&A in mind. Otherwise, keep up the good work!
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lol, at least there is no Ax 'Em 2......Although since it took 10 years for this one to be made, maybe one day another will rise from beyond the grave.
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Love the grammar in the title card lol- After 13 years he returns to revenge his family...-
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There is only ONE worst movie of all times, unfortunately (or fortunately better say) that movie is way new (2008) so you will never review it I guess....
Also it would be a very boring review since there is not much one could say about a film with only 7 shots in it.
On the other hand..
There is no way out of here. It will be dark soon.
There is no way out of here.
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i can't believe brad missed that the scene of the guy shooting his family was a rip off / parody of the amityville horror but still great review I couldn't stop laughing
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Is this movie a parody of the 90's?
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Scarface is a rapper, but he does not deserve a documentary
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"LEAVE!!!" Mint!
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Seriously, I went to a Movie Gallery that was closing down and they actually had a copy of Ax'Em! I was this close to picking it up, especially since I remember Something Awful doing a review of it years ago but didn't because I grabbed...you know, GOOD movies. But now I really regret not picking it up.
PS - I loved the "OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD OH MAN" reference.
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Loved the "Oh god, Oh man" joke. Pretty much died at that one.
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Wow. This one looks... bad. Even in my most masocistic days, I would doubt giving it a try. The audio, the light-speed intro text, the out-of nowhere shotgun scene, and that ending... Oh god, oh man. Some home video film projects should remain resting in peace.
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I finally went through and watched every episode of Cinema Snob and this is the best episode yet. It even beats the pure shock value of E.T Porno (god damnit, now I just made myself remember E.T Porno).
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The worst film I've ever seen would probably be "Oversexed Rugsuckers from Mars"
The worst part is I've found out recently that Lionsgate has rereleased the film on DVD, urrrgh
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I thought you said "Porno Holocaust" was the worst fucking movie ever made!!!
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Oh god oh man, what a horrible movie. Sorry you had to sit through this.
Honestly, the only thing I can think of that might possibly be even worse than Ax 'Em would be Tonya Harding's sex tape.
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Mithos is sending you letters huh? Ok.
Funny review, terribad movie.
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Interesting note about this film:
As featured in Michael Adam's great book about his year long journey to find the worst film ever, AX 'EM was originally called THE WEEKEND IT LIVES and shot for $650(!)
But it gets better...The writer/director/actor was, at the time, the son of the head of NAACP (!!). And, the head had all members of the NAACP attend a special screening and forced to sit through it.
But this info comes with a bitter aftertaste. Who recommended this film to Michael Adams? Eli Roth.
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Of course Eli Roth would recommend this film. That way his movie seem good by comparison. Sorta.
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I recently got Adam's book and read about "Ax'Em" in it too. And yes, Michael Mfume is the son of former NAACP head (and former Congressman) Kwesie Mfume. Apparently, according to Roth, there's footage of that screening which shows all the NAACP brass coming out of the theater looking like they'd just been to a Klan rally. Maybe that's why Dad's no longer in charge over there.
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Eli Roth's approach to editing,characterisation and linear story telling was clearly influenced by Ax'em. I think the Friday The 13th reboot makers were also taking notes.
Maybe Micheal Adams misunderstood Roth's "hip jive" and assumed he meant Ax'em was "bad" in the literal sense rather than the Micheal Jackson sense.
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I've heard of this movie a while ago, but I could never get a hold of it. By the looks of it, the worst thing seems to be the sound, with the bad mixing and the horrendous rap soundtrack.
Oh, and Jillian reciting that letter was fucking intense
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at around 2:16. I think i've heard that music in a video game called "Tales of Symphonia". Is that were you got it?
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I'm sorry I have to bring this up but their is a much worse film called Chick Boxer which has most of the same cast(and music) as Galaxy Of The Dinosaurs. Some of Axe'em's dialogue at least sounds natural their is not even an attempt at acting in Chick Boxer. I'll have to re-check the year it was made though I don't know it falls in the right year for you.
Chick Boxer also has one of the main actor's from Horror Vision who later became pretty decent actor as an episode of Law And Order Would suggest.
It fits
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0180601/
I'm sorry.
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Current Top Ranked Movie/Game Reviewers:
1. The Cinema Snob
2. Spoony
3. Angry Video Game Nerd
4. Nostalgia Critic
5. Phelous
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Ax Them? You just stole the Dig Them joke from Family Guy. But if you're going to steal a joke from that show, at least you stole it from an episode from a long time ago when that show was actually still funny!
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I think one more shitty movie and the Cinema Snob is going to have a severe mental breakdown! Let us hope that we do not have to find out if there is indeed something worse out there than this.
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That was good.
This movie definitely loks so bad its funny though. While parts look like they drag (Seriously, how long was that monologue joke uncut?) the awful effects, horrible dialogue, worse editing then me when I was 9, and 4th wall breaking idiot actors its gotta have some good riff value to it at least.
Funny episode as usual, Brad. I liked the gameboy joke hehe... that brings me back
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I am glad to see nobody accused you of being racist or anything yet. You have some classy fans. Nice review and definitely a piece of shit, no doubt about it.
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Octaman should be one of your reviews
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Maybe it's just me, but I can almost see a kernel of a interesting horror movie in this film. A bunch of kids learn about a legendary murder/suicide that says the killer will return as a zombie. The kids meet a zombie, and during their attempts to get away from it, assume that this is the zombie in the legends. Some survive the conflict, but the audience learns that the teens faced a completely different zombie, and now the Legendary Zombie is aware of the teens.
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I've got two words for you Brad:
Splatter Farm
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Oh god, oh man, oh god OH MAN OH GOD!
Lol.
Great review, this movie "Ax' Em" just looks absolutely wretched on every level.
Leave it to Brad to find the absolute worst of the worst, lol.
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OH GOD!
OH MAN!
OH GOD!
OH MAN!
OH GOD!
OH MAN!
Seriously Brad, you have already topped Las Vegas Bloodbath as my favorite episode...much to your dismay.
Loved your In Living Color...THE FINAL YEARS! comment
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Why do you hate niggas Brad?
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzFTLKWvfE0
Chris Rock can help explain it.
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My vote is still for Las vegas Bloodbath. Even with what little he showed it still felt like torture waiting for something to happen in that movie. At least Ax 'em had a decent prop gun and could get the actors to be on set at the same time.
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That was hilarious! Will be sure to skip this little beauty.
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Why a 90's Looking Movie have rap music from 2004-06 music?
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Awesome video! I love the bit where you look off to the side, contemplating Jason Vorhees with a gun. These are getter better every time!
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I recognize the tune from the "Oh God, oh man!" segment. That was from Tales of Symphonia.
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I sped-read the title-cards. If I were teaching an English class, I would fail them. "... a mean Town man." wtf? "... is man killed ..." wtf AGAIN! why the random capitalization, and who can't afford to spell-check their five sentence title cards in over a decade of waiting for release?
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Sorry. I'd have to say LVBB was a far worse movie IMHO. I mean it was so bad that I was tempted to FF through or stop the review all together.
I'd have to say the suicide and the zombie looked kinda cool. And you have to admit the gun props were WAYYYY the hell better in this movie. Wouldn't you agree? Awesome review once again.
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Nice reference to Tough Guys Don't Dance Brad. Thank you Blind in Rikers.
Sincerely,
Castrated in the Gulag
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Hey Snob RWR here, Please review Mahakaal The Monster. Its a Nightmare on Elm Street ripoff by Bollywood.
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Seconded. Please review Mahakal. I know Ed Glaser already has, but that just means he might loan you his copy!
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Yep, that's 1992 all right.
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I think we have on our hands is not a zombie, but rather a "Revenant".
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I cant believe there were 90s blaxploitation films. How could those fraternities allow them to their letters? Why did I feel like killing the people in the movie after watching the review of it?
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I've been following you for about a year, and the more I see of your unscripted, normal vlogs the more I hate the Cinema Snob.
I understand that's the whole gimmick and you can also script jokes in etc, but you're way more engaging and entertaining just being yourself.
You're not going to stop making Cinema Snob stuff obviously but just thought I'd say that. More vlogs!
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There's a more worst movie than this floating around. It's called Cheerleader Autopsy. god, I watched this and it's a rare movie that I gave one star on netflix. check it out just to know that movies made in Georiga should never been seen.
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Brad is it possible if you review "Out of the Dark" it was released on the 1980's
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Best Ryan O'Neal impression ever.
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Lmaoo, awesome references in this episode, keep it up brad you're one of the best.
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This movie looks like a Friday the 13th ripoff
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Being a huge fan of the Friday the 13th films, I just HAD to shop this up upon hearing the Jason Voorhees with a gun line.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v87/Slasher88/againstthelaw.jpg
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I'm not defending this movie, but to say this is worse than Las Vegas Bloodbath is crazy talk. For what it's worth, at least this movie has that "so bad it's good" quality to it, or at least, "so bad it's at least funny." LVB was physically painful.
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Well, to be totally honest, "Ax Them" sounds like "Ask them" spoken in Maine accent.
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This review was hilarious as all get out! This movie sounds to me like an extended IN LIVING COLOR sketch, given the ineptitude of the editing and the writing. Plus, the mugging of the actors seals the deal, especially the running-and-screaming bits! The Aristocrats FTW!
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When even the opening credits have spelling and grammatical errors, it's pretty much a guarantee that the movie will suck.
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any chance to see red neck zombies?
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Hah! awesome review!
I think this movie has one good thing going for it...The next time you hear a black comedian joke about the differences white people and black people would handle themselves in such a situation, you can just show them this movie. The lesson of this story? It doesn't matter if you are black or white, your both Fucking Morons lol
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Its good things, keep share
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Seems to me that the director wanted to make a movie he could star in, so he got some friends and made it a party weekend. And then they watched the totally unscripted movie, cut the most awful rambling parts (yes I believe it got worse). When they were done they realized it was still horrible and hid it. 10 years later it was found and someone thought I can use this! They spiced in 3 hastily written title cards, the first and last zombie shot and the amityville horror in the middle, sprinkle in some newer rap and VoilĂ .
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The award for best "shot on shitteo" film goes to...
The Nostalgia Critics 2 year anniversary special
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And here I thought Don't Go in the Woods was one of the worst slashers in existence. Dear God unto heaven, please strike me down for watching this shit-dripping, semen spewing, malt liquor drinking, horrible blaxplotation of a slasher film (oh did I say film? Fuck if I did, because calling it a film would mean it would at least have the goddamn decency to have a good rundown).
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This is so cool..thanks so much for the info. Love it!
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By DAN VERGANO, vivienne westwood wedding dress from sex and the c USA Today
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That was an awesome commentary. I came across your piece of writing and found it very helpful.
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This film does have one reedeming feature. It has more realistic gun effects than Las Vegas Bloodbath
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I have not laughed so hard watching someone review something as atrocious as Axe Em! I'm just in awe! I knew there were bad movies out there but, seeing this review takes the cake!
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I'm always happy to find that film critiques are terrible film makers
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Well... that was soo bad i think a part of my brain did start too cry... Or was that because of the music and the over load of ppl screaming and acting like they where the mold of every black joke in history?
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I love this review. It is one of the funniest that I have seen, I love the part when you say "check my mailbox", just something about that has me cracking up laughing! Also, the aristocrats joke is also hilarious!
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I do not believe those scenes were incomplete. I think that the editor forgot to alter the movie so that all the scenes were arranged in the proper order. Really, was it too hard to rearrange this movie's scenes into a consistant order? Anyone can do it! Hell, I could do it using Windows Movie Maker. In fact, I just might do that one day. Hopefully, it will make "Ax 'Em" a little more watchable, albeit still stupid.
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This was a hilariously bad movie. The technical aspects alone made me question why video distrubitors picked this movie up in the first place. This title was at most video stores just a decade ago.
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The guy at 12:27 was hilarious....this crudbucket was released for a short time in Baltimore in 1993 (allegedly because Mfume's father was a big wheel in the government; I don't get that either.) Blackhorrormovies.com considers this to be the worst movie ever made.
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It's one hell of a warning sign when the opening title cards are filled with typographical errors ("Towns man?" Really?) and the sort of syntax that suggests a very, very distant and somewhat cold relationship with the English language, the kind where you don't make eye contact during the holidays and you never speak to one another beyond a frosty greeting spoken between clenched-teeth smiles. Ugh.
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In the opening text says a murderer killed his family in 1990, and that 13 years he will return. Which means the film takes place in 2003
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I was very pleased to find this site. I wanted to thank you for this great read!! This is a very informative post, it helps me more.
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I was glad at first to see that Cinema Snob tackle the interesting movie Ax Em, and I can't wait to see what more films I'm going to read about here.
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I hate to say this I hope I don't offend anybody but *iggas can't make slashers. There is a movie worse than Axe'em its "Holla If You Hear Me" look it up on IMDB. Brad you have to review Killjoy and Killjoy 2.
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IMDb says the movie's budget was $650, so that explains so much. To put that into more of a perspective; Criminally Insane had a budget of fucking $30,000; which looks just as fucking shitting as Ax 'Em! I ws looking for information on Las Vagas Blood Bath, and I found absolutely nothing. If that and Black Devil Doll from Hell have a lower budget than this piece of shit; then I'll just fuckin... damnit.
What scares me more is that there's no mention of dialouge or quotes on the page either; which makes me think that this was as unscripted as Anus Magillicutty; which also had a fucking better budget.
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he tore my pussy up !!!
LMFAO
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Oh god, oh man, I hate your mom jokes.
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Is it just me, or were there no actual axes in this film?
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no I dont think its just you< i dont remember seeing any axes
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hmm Im just gonna sit on the fence about this one, lol
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This video is very interesting. I saw it and I like it. Incaltaminte copii
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This movie makes Leprechaun in the hood look like the first Halloween movie.
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I can't hear a goddamn thing in this fucking movie. The sound quality is terrible and the actors are speaking gibberish. I am surprised Brad managed to make out what they were saying.
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Actually, the movie's plot is more or less a plagiarism of Hell Night's plot. The man with the shotgun had a wife and three sons. He killed his wife and two of the children. The third child was never found and presumed dead and that's the guy running around killing people with the machete.
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Also, I really don't get how people are saying Las Vegas Blood Bath is worse than this. At least that movie had some good gore and a comprehendable storyline. And sound, don't forget sound! I don't believe these people have actually watched Las Vegas Blood Bath and they're just basing their opinion of it around one review that wasn't even a serious review. It was done in-character and doesn't necessarily reflect Brad's true feelings about (or it may, you should really ask him and not me). Don't get me wrong, Ax 'em is endearing in its own weird way, but is technically inferior to Las Vegas Blood Bath and if anything less entertaining as well.
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i hear being zanied to death is the most painful way to go.
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Snob, take a look at the rest of this review then go back and entertain your MC Hammer comment. Referencing him is the least of this flick's worries.
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no, it can't be the worst movie ever. Though,who knows...
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