Previously featured on YouTube before ultimately being ousted by the powers that be (those powers being the people behind "Nail Gun Massacre") thecinemasnob.com will
feature all of the Snob's videos, old and new, and also brand new shows and full length original movies for those of us who already can't get enough of Z-Grade Cinema.
6/22/2010 10:30 PM
smallerdemon wrote:
Awesome. The one "Maria" is almost identical in sound to to how the vampire chick in Samson Vs The Vampire Women says it. "MARIA!" Reply to this
6/22/2010 10:39 PM
Jraptor wrote:
I love your work, and your speed in regards to posting! There is usually something each day. I think AVGN made a mistake cutting his reviews to 1-2 in a whole month. You should never pull back when your on top, because someone will take your place. I always check your site, and TGWTG, but I have given up on AVGN. I enjoy his work too, but he is going to be the "Adam Cartwright" or "Fox Mulder, even worse "Trapper John (who got the producers so mad they turned him into a pathetic cripple living in a trailer for the last year). Reply to this
11/24/2010 5:30 AM
darkdriver wrote:
You mean Gonzo Gates. Pernell Roberts (the old bald guy) played Trapper John on that series. Still, good medical series. Reply to this
6/22/2010 10:41 PM
I.Wolf wrote:
Holy crap were did you find this one? Who the hell decided and sought out making a film that was part porno part The Body Shop? Reply to this
6/22/2010 10:43 PM
Iaro wrote:
Wow. That movie is just... Wow. My jaw hit the desk when the killer dildo was described and stayed there until the flying penises. Damn. But the review was hilarious! Awesome work, Brad. Reply to this
6/22/2010 10:46 PM
BatDanNight wrote:
I take you haven't read Agony in Pink. Because that abomination of Power Rangers fan material is proof that there's an audience for this shit!
Excellent review Brad. I would feel cleaner watching Hostel... no wait that's Eli Roth false alarm. Reply to this
6/22/2010 10:49 PM
Riah wrote:
I feel the nightmares coming on. Not because it's particularly scary, but the sheer horror of knowing something like this exists! At least now I have fair warning. Reply to this
6/22/2010 10:58 PM
Dane wrote:
Nice review. But then again, when am I not satisfied with your videos...Oh wait, only twice. Lost and 24... But anyways, keep up the good work. Please send me a e-mail to sirdane1898@gmail.com, I need to chat and send you some free crap. Seriously. Reply to this
6/22/2010 11:15 PM
bassbait wrote:
That movie looks good. Just kidding. Although some of those edits were kind of interesting. This movie looks like the "2001" of crappy necrophilia, and I never thought I would say anything like that in my whole life. Reply to this
6/22/2010 11:18 PMMartialHorror wrote:
Wow, an actual torture porn movie. Up until now, the only one I knew of was "Hostel"....Although that was more of a sex comedy-horror....Except most of it is a sex comedy, then it becomes horror at the end.....Eh, never mind.
That South Park clip haunted my nightmares for months after I saw that for the first time. Thanks for that trauma again.... Reply to this
6/23/2010 12:06 AM
Michael wrote:
is it wrong that I actually enjoyed "Hardgore"? Not like THAT. But it was hilariously bizarre and very, very 70s. Reply to this
6/23/2010 12:18 AM
John wrote:
I think Depalma saw this movie. The brief glimpse of that "Laura Branigan scene" reminded me of the Frankie Goes to Hollywood scene in Body Double.
Hell Dr. Sydney Pollack looking motherfucker could have been the inspiration for Dressed to Kill. Reply to this
6/23/2010 12:19 AM
Midget wrote:
I lost it at the Ted Bundy comment. It's disturbing that anyone would actually consider making--let alone acting--in something like this. Reply to this
6/23/2010 1:16 AM
Shithead wrote:
Oh come on, not even a passing mention of the dick getting chopped of and the stump still cumming on whatsherface?
What was with the ladies when they used the vibrator? They didn't seem to know how to actually masturbate. Reply to this
6/23/2010 1:18 AM
CompleteUnknown wrote:
My favorite was always Pussy Talk It was very well made and Pénélope Lamour was great in it. Reply to this
6/23/2010 1:20 AM
ScreamingDoom wrote:
That couldn't be Zardoz's cock because, as we all know, the penis is evil.
70s porn is amazingly bad. Then again, I've seen some really messed up hentai titles for the sake of mocking them.
Loved the opening! But where's Pierre Kirby? Reply to this
6/23/2010 8:27 AM
ThatQuebecGuy wrote:
Makes me think that a lot of fighting games have pretty deep character creation, surely someone can make a Pierre Kirby lookalike! Come on Snob fanbase! Reply to this
6/23/2010 2:03 AM
O.B. Vious wrote:
I think the boom mike is there just to settle a bet as to whether the movie even had one.
Either that or the boom mike operator is going to be fired tomorrow and he no longer gives a fuck. Very unprofessional, Bill. Reply to this
6/23/2010 2:30 AM
Madrav wrote:
In a sense its a real snuff film because I died a little inside watching the parts you showed me. Reply to this
6/23/2010 3:45 AM
Nathan wrote:
"They tried to make me go to the devil worhipping sex rehab and i said No No No!" Reply to this
6/23/2010 3:53 AM
glenn wrote:
70s to early 80s porn,was indeed it seems, a strage beast with two or more backs. Forced Entry was another desidely un-PC effort. Reply to this
6/23/2010 4:11 AM
Gr.Viper wrote:
I just happen to have a Soviet 16-mm 30 seconds wind-up spring camera at home... I wonder if I should film something with it. Reply to this
Oh shit, I swear I typed that before you made the Zardoz penis reference.
Well Mr. Snob, hilarious review. I hope there are more movies out there with inept sound managers so we can be treated to more boom mic jokes! Reply to this
6/23/2010 5:08 AM
CrimsonDusk wrote:
Wow when was this movie released. I really can't find an entry for it on imdb and for some reason it reminds me allot of Suspiria. It's pretty clear it was made in the 70s but damn it's kind of the same premise. Also cool intro at the start with Saints Row 2. Reply to this
6/23/2010 12:08 PMBrad wrote:
Imdb filters out porn titles in their search engine, you just do a google search for "Hardgore" and imdb, and it'll pop up. Reply to this
6/24/2010 1:06 AM
CrimsonDusk wrote:
Oops, yeah now it worked and Hardgore seems to have been made in 1974 and Suspiria in 1977. There are some similarities, maybe Dario Argento was a fan but it's clear his movie was the superior one and I'm not curious to see if there really are that many similarities.
Funny thing, I think Porno Holocaust, one of your more hated films is in the same genre with Hardgore, although the first one doesn't contain necrophilia. Oh porn what other antics will you pull to give us boners or remove it permanently. Reply to this
6/25/2010 5:37 PM
CrimsonDusk wrote:
Hello vote history of 1156 titles on imdb and I'm old enough to not track down this movie just to see some fuzz. The problem is imdb really filters searches even if they know my age by my e-mail address and personal data. It really is something strange to search for a page on a movie, on imdb, yo have to search it on Google and not through their main page, even if I'm old enough and logged in. Reply to this
6/23/2010 5:36 AM
Chie wrote:
Oh hoh hoh, awesome review. I love it when you review porn, especially because my husband is a bit more close minded than I am and gets these weird ass expressions whilst trying his damndest to not show he's laughing under that hand on his mouth.
Oh and a Flesh Gordon reference, yay! That is on of my favourite spoof porn flicks. It's so puerile and idiotic, but hey, I laughed at the Penisaurus. Reply to this
6/23/2010 6:05 AM
unknownmoviefan wrote:
I notice you've been focusing on porn lately, what with this and the "Deep Throat" Big Box episode. Just saying... Reply to this
6/23/2010 8:07 AM
Alex wrote:
One complaint: you didn't include the scene where the guy in the cheap devil mask yells 'Nirvana!' that's the funniest thing the movie. Other than that, great review as always. Reply to this
6/23/2010 10:47 AM
Ryan M wrote:
I ask pretty much the same questions about any sex scene in a horror film. I'm not in the mood movie! Reply to this
6/23/2010 11:07 AMPidde wrote:
I saw HARDGORE as HORROR WHORE from Something Weird Video. I don't remember the choppy opening credits, but I haven't seen it in ten years. I thought it was a pretty cool, sick sex-horror movie, kinda like David Cronenberg directing a porno. If you disliked THIS one, I sure wonder what you'll think about the infamous SEX PSYCHO...! Reply to this
6/23/2010 11:22 AM
Lost Sorcerer wrote:
I love your work, but please Brad... No more porn...
Itd be fun to see you snobbify some of the outright sillier porns of the 70s and 80s but this and ET? This is just kind of disturbing... Reply to this
6/23/2010 1:22 PM
Doug wrote:
lol I think Brad mentioned the cocaine. Hilarious Saints Row 2 intro btw. Also this video seriously made me glad I am not you. I know too much about Hardgore as is let alone actually watching the movie Reply to this
6/23/2010 1:53 PM
DesertEagle wrote:
I didn't like this episode. There were a few funny jokes and I'm glad to see the Cinema Snob more in-character but even he should know it is pointless to review porn. Porn is simply jack-off material; there is no merit to it. Also the South Park clip was disturbing.
The logic in this film is at least better than that of Deep Throat. Am I the only one to point out how ridiculous a clitoris in a woman's throat is? Not only is it biologically impossible but there would be no way a woman would be able to get off with oral sex if she did have one their based on how the nerves connect. Also; stimulation of the clitoris is not a requirement for a woman to orgasm. I don't care if it is tongue-in-cheek; it is still completely stupid. Reply to this
6/23/2010 2:57 PM
Nitpicker Nick wrote:
I know right! And what the hell is with that Superman movie? Alien from another planet who masters the ability to fly my ass! Completely unrealistic! And don't even get me started on Star Wars. Everyone knows it's impossible to have sound and explosions in space. Booo! Zero Stars!! I'm sorry, but a movie has to be completely 100% realistic for me to enjoy it. ESPECIALLY when it's NOT SUPPOSED to be realistic. Fuck you Steven Seagal, outrunning a train crash in "Under Seige 2," you bastard. And shame on you Cinema Snob for spotlighting movies that are not plausible. Goddamn it, it has to be completely realistic for you to make fun of it. Next time you review porn, make sure it's just straight fucking and not that ridiculous plot shit. Bastard. Reply to this
6/24/2010 3:47 AM
DesertEagle wrote:
"I'm sorry, but a movie has to be completely 100% realistic for me to enjoy it."
I never said that so their goes your argument. But to address your 'points':
Superman is a superhero; he's not suppose to be realistic just believable in his own context with occasional silly-science explanations. Star Wars uses sound and explosions for dramatic effect.
Why does Deep Throat have a clitoris in a woman's throat? Because the writers just didn't care. This could have been easily explained as a fetish but instead they decided to make a mind-baffling landmark in cinema by completely screwing up the main character's anatomy.
'But DesertEagle; the point of the film is to masturbate to it. Doesn't the idea of-'
Unless I have x-ray vision; knowing a woman gets direct stimulation from an erect penis touching the back of her throat is not going to increase arousal.
...I realize typing this I am going against my 'pointlessness of reviewing porn' stance but having heard of the film earlier and keeping an open mind I figured the film could be considered 'erotic art'. However, after discovering that particular plot point that just shows how stupid the writing is throwing out the notion of 'art' out the window.
A goofy sex comedy with porn? Perhaps. But not my cup of tea. Reply to this
6/24/2010 4:06 AM
Nephilim wrote:
"Why does Deep Throat have a clitoris in a woman's throat? Because the writers just didn't care. This could have been easily explained as a fetish but instead they decided to make a mind-baffling landmark in cinema by completely screwing up the main character's anatomy."
They told the director that Linda Lovelace could do this trick by deepthroating a penis and they decided to make a goofy sex comedy around it.
It was never meant to be taken seriously.
It's all there in the documentary Inside Deep Troat. Reply to this
6/24/2010 4:34 AM
Shadow wrote:
Obviously your sarcasm meter is off right now, either that or you are brad's allotment of troll this review.
But here's the thing if you don't know and brad has said this quiet a few times that 'the cinema snob idea came about after he saw Rover Ebert give a bad review to a Friday the thirteenth movie, I thought hey wouldn't it be fun to review movies that totally don't need to be reviewed?'
So in this respect this movie is the ultimate epitome of movies that the cinema snob would review. Most of the movies he does are the movies so bad that they don't make it to theaters, or just plain explotation
And the thing with Deep Throat? Um yeah, if you're going to say 'don't review a porno because it's just pointless jackoff material' then review a porno within the same comment? Obvious fail
6/24/2010 11:22 AM
DesertEagle wrote:
"Obviously your sarcasm meter is off right now, either that or you are brad's allotment of troll this review."
Wrong on both accounts. I love the Cinema Snob's shtick and it usually works. Going as far as pornography, though, it is kindof off. As for being a troll; I have been a big fan of Brad Jones since I discovered him (you can find previous comments by me across various videos of the site). This is one of the few videos of his I didn't like. If my opinion offends you I cannot help that.
"And the thing with Deep Throat? Um yeah, if you're going to say 'don't review a porno because it's just pointless jackoff material' then review a porno within the same comment? Obvious fail
Nice try though"
I already clarified this.
"...I realize typing this I am going against my 'pointlessness of reviewing porn' stance but having heard of the film earlier and keeping an open mind I figured the film could be considered 'erotic art'. However, after discovering that particular plot point that just shows how stupid the writing is throwing out the notion of 'art' out the window."
But if you want more the reason why I brought that up is because its just baffling that someone would come up with that and since we are on the subject of porn I thought I would bring that up. Granted, that is a bit petty but I had to say it at some point. Reply to this
6/24/2010 1:31 PMBrad wrote:
Dude seriously, you're reading as much into Deep Throat as Roger Ebert read into "Friday the 13th The Final Chapter." It's a porn. Chill. Analyzing "Deep Throat" is like analyzing the grass. It's there, who cares. (and by the way, some kinds of grass can make Deep Throat even more hilarious). Reply to this
When i was talking about sarcasm wasn't talking about Brad, it would be rather idiotic to talk about brad's sarcasm because we all know he's sarcastic. And I know You've been here I wasn't offended I just found it kinda funny. I was talking about Nitpicker Nicks comment he was obviously doing it in a sarcastic manner, and you took it too seriously
On the subject of you not being a troll. Just because you've not been a troll before doesn't mean you can't be a troll now, If you've been a fan why are bringing up the porn title now? There are a grand total of four on here now ET the Porn, Deep Throat Part II, and Beaver and Buttface
Of course this being said I realize you could've found fault in your eyes it was just you read too much into Nitpicker Nick's comment and your overanalyzing deepthroat, as you said porn is jack off material guys don't normally buy it for cinematic gold they buy it to jack off and turn off, Deep Throat was made as a comedy, they knew the clit wasn't in the back of the throat they just knew the trick and came up with a 'story' if youc an call it that
Just breath relax and enjoy the rest of the snobs time here, I wasn't offended by you Reply to this
6/23/2010 3:32 PM
Wolfgar wrote:
I think you forgot to censor something from the Debbie clip towards the beginning. I'm pretty sure i can see bush around the 48 or 49 second mark. Maybe not a big enough deal, and maybe I'm imagining it, but it's there.
There is another porn movie I'd like to see you review called XXX Supergirl, which was changed to an alternate title of Ms Magnificent when the producers apparently got in trouble with DC Comics. I'd be interested in your take on it. Reply to this
6/23/2010 3:35 PM
MisterKeitel wrote:
SuperCool! I can't wait to get home tonight and watch this. I've just got 30 more min of work and then two hours at the gym and -then- ah the bliss of Cinema Snob. There is no better night cap then a little Snobbing. If only I had your voice Brad I could leave my job and pursue a career in phone sex. Ah how the Ladies (I hope they're ladies) will love my velvety snobby voice gently caressing them over the phone. I would be the giggilo of the telecommunication crowd. But alas, I'm stuck with my high, squeeky voice that even mice and Vally Girls would find annoying. I could get a job maybe in dubbing Japanies anime or Chinees chopsocky films. Reply to this
6/23/2010 4:52 PM
javacrypto wrote:
Thanks for the DEATH BED reference! I thought the exact same thing. The comparisons to MANOS were not only funny, but spot on, as well. Reply to this
6/23/2010 9:00 PM
SanguineSymphony wrote:
I almost bought this movie from Xploited when it was first re-released on DVD. Surprised more of the posters aren't aware that true "torture porn" exists. Reply to this
6/23/2010 9:01 PM
Laura wrote:
Knowing that there are people out there that seriously get off on stuff like this sends chills down my spine. Reply to this
6/23/2010 10:01 PM
Bob wrote:
There's a difference between something like CBT and *this* movie. I advocate neither. Nor crap like Hostel and other.. christ, really? I don't know any other way to put this... mainstream torture porn.
Look, I'm not saying I'm a big fan of global human genocide, I'm just saying that maybe there shouldn't be such a world in which anyone ever has to refer to any sort of torture porn as the main-stream variety. Reply to this
6/23/2010 11:57 PM
bob wrote:
This was supposed to be a reply to SanguineSymphony, things happened, scripts were turned off, long story short it didn't work out the way I had planned. It makes more sense when it's clear what I'm going on about. Reply to this
just thought I'd let you know. Maybe somebody already pointed it out. I couldn't be bothered to check.
Love the video! As they say "You're the Jesus that turns my internet water into entertainment wine." Reply to this
6/24/2010 6:22 AM
Lowkey wrote:
Hey Brad, great review as always. You should check out Bat Pussy. It's not a gore and porn mix like Hardgore, but it's complete fail all the way. It starts with a middle aged, hillbilly couple trying to fuck, but the guy can't get it up, so they spend an eternity slinging improv insults at each other instead. It goes down hill from there. Reply to this
6/24/2010 8:36 AMRyan wrote:
I'm actually kinda surprised and a little offended that you didn't include a "COCK ROCKET!" reference from Orgazmo when the pyrotechnic dildos popped up.
6/24/2010 10:12 AM
Matt wrote:
Good lord. So this is where guro originated. I knew there was a reason that I knew the 70's were inherently evil, but I didn't know why until now.
By the way, don't know what "guro" is? Heh heh... Look it up some time. Look it up and feel the pain. Reply to this
6/24/2010 5:49 PM
thrownaway wrote:
I cheered when this was over, even though I loved this review.
I watched almost every Cinema Snob video on this site in just under 24 hours. I say almost, because I'd already seen Death Nurse 2 and the Troll review series and... I couldn't go back. Not there.
May I just say I enjoy the hell out of your videos, but the marathon thing? Not recommended. My brain... my eyes... Reply to this
6/25/2010 3:00 AM
Strelnikov wrote:
Brad, you're the only internet film reviewer who found this movie disturbing, which I think says a lot about the people who review genre junk by computer. What I find interesting about "Hardgore" is the exceptionally beat-up print; this film was run to death in one of those gloriously shabby porno theaters, no doubt. The fact that no director was willing to be listed even under a crappy pseudonym like "Harry Balls" or "Ivana Humpalott" says even more. BTW, they do make fake snuff movies nowadays, but only for pay-per-view websites and the "films" are always under twenty minutes long. Reply to this
6/25/2010 5:02 AM
Strelnikov wrote:
I looked up Hardgore on youTube and there is a clip from "joplinfantasy" which has 8 minutes of different scenes of the movie. What is important is that this person claims that the movie originally had a credits sequence when it ran in theaters and that it was directed by a guy named Michael Hugo, who may have been a pseudonym or a one-off director. You can see the clip at:
6/25/2010 8:36 AM
Nephilim wrote:
"BTW, they do make fake snuff movies nowadays, but only for pay-per-view websites and the "films" are always under twenty minutes long."
Actually some are released on DVD and are feature length. Just look at the August Underground trilogy. And lets not forget all that extreme torture stuff that's made in Japan (Grotesque, Eat The Schoolgirl, Red Room, etc.). Reply to this
6/25/2010 12:33 PM
Jontez wrote:
I'd love if you took a peek at Mats Helges "Ninja Mission"! Lots of campiness there, I can promise you that... and because I'm Swedish and would love to see something hardcore swedish on your show! Reply to this
6/25/2010 6:52 PM
destro9 wrote:
Ha,i don't think even the likes of Jess Franco could come up with anything quite like this "Shot on Shiteo"! Reply to this
6/26/2010 1:43 AM
M.MC wrote:
Dang it, Brad! Why'd you have to go and reawaken my dormant love for Laura Branagin! I'm 'gonna have a Hot Night - tonight' thanks to you. ;D Reply to this
6/29/2010 10:53 AM
SauerkrautDeutscher wrote:
Dear Cinema snob Im a big fan of your reviews, but you miss to review the worst movie of all time! Why you dont review PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE by Ed Wood??? I bet you know him and i think everyone´, which is intersted in Trashfilms has to see that wonderful movie! Reply to this
7/9/2010 1:25 PM
lars wrote:
i believe brad will never review plan 9 or manos simply due to the fact that everyone knows about them and there is really not much left to say about them. plus while plan 9 had allot of continuity errors its not really all to bad. i rather him keep doing these obscure hard to find piece of shit films then the mainstream piece of shit films everyone knows about and has most likely seen. hell one movie i hope he reviews is oasis of the dead another nazi zomie film from jesse franco filled with terrible dialogue and a severe lack of gore and the worst looking zombies since ever just looks like they covered the actors in snot and candy eyeballs.
another great review brad. best use of a south park clip ever and i loved the part were you gave the scenario of a kid coming across hardgore on tv its just classic. Reply to this
7/31/2010 10:21 PMtrumpy303 wrote:
"i believe brad will never review plan 9 or manos simply due to the fact that everyone knows about them and there is really not much left to say about them" Also Brad generaly reviews grindhouse style movies. That said, I think Ed Wood's later works like Orgy of the Dead would fit into that category. Reply to this
8/1/2010 12:13 PM
Glen wrote:
Why do you watch these pornos, Brad? Why don't you just Google search hardcore MILF action like a sane man? Reply to this
10/25/2010 3:01 PM
John Holmes Motherfucker wrote:
In 1976, when I was an 18 year old virgin, this was the first porno film I ever saw. Holy fucking shit, is any wonder I've never had a successfulk relationshop with a woman? Reply to this
10/26/2010 10:26 AMJohn Holmes Motherfucker wrote:
I have a theory that the lead actress in Hard Gore, Dianne Galke, may have been hearing impaired. This would account for the fact that she almost never speaks, except for internal monologues which appear to be voiced by another actress. On the one occasion that I am aware of when she speaks, in the clip linked to below, she has two lines. She mumbles rather noticably for the first one, though she speaks the second just fine, if rather flatly. I'm pretty sure it's not the voice of the actress from the internal monologues.
The idea of a deaf actress working in early porn suggests a fascinating glimpse of underground cultural history. There's a deaf actress working in porn these days. I saw an interview with her somewhere, I think it may have been on youtube. These are more enlightened times, and being deaf doesn't make her any less sexy, but if I'm correct about Dianne Galke, her disability was treated as a secret.
There are some other Diane Galke films available. I'm thinking of purchasing one. After all, she's pretty cute, and I'd love to see her without the torture dismemberment and necrophiliac stuff, which, thankfully, is sort of a turn-off to me.
12/17/2010 5:27 AM
Mike wrote:
Oh yuck! At least The Gore Gore Girls was funny, though usually when it wasn't trying to be (the meat-pounder to the ass, the pantsuit-stripping scene to oompah-band music). Reply to this
7/25/2011 10:31 PM
Juniper wrote:
You didn't address her imagined escape from the rape/necrophilia scene! I think it would have been worth mentioning Reply to this
Unfortunately my page hates donate buttons and the link doesn't work, but if you would like to help out The Cinema Snob, my Paypal account is under thecinemasnob@yahoo.com
awesome review as always
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Haha...you been playing some Saints Row 2 Brad?
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Actually no =) The footage comes from a fan on youtube.
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Saint's Row 2's character customization at its finest.
Great review. XD
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Wow 70s porn was weird
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Awesome. The one "Maria" is almost identical in sound to to how the vampire chick in Samson Vs The Vampire Women says it. "MARIA!"
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Speaking of Human Centipede
http://tinyurl.com/38hrhvd
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I love your work, and your speed in regards to posting! There is usually something each day.
I think AVGN made a mistake cutting his reviews to 1-2 in a whole month. You should never pull back when your on top, because someone will take your place. I always check your site, and TGWTG, but I have given up on AVGN. I enjoy his work too, but he is going to be the "Adam Cartwright" or "Fox Mulder, even worse "Trapper John (who got the producers so mad they turned him into a pathetic cripple living in a trailer for the last year).
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You mean Gonzo Gates. Pernell Roberts (the old bald guy) played Trapper John on that series. Still, good medical series.
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Holy crap were did you find this one? Who the hell decided and sought out making a film that was part porno part The Body Shop?
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Wow.
That movie is just... Wow. My jaw hit the desk when the killer dildo was described and stayed there until the flying penises. Damn. But the review was hilarious! Awesome work, Brad.
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I take you haven't read Agony in Pink. Because that abomination of Power Rangers fan material is proof that there's an audience for this shit!
Excellent review Brad. I would feel cleaner watching Hostel... no wait that's Eli Roth false alarm.
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I feel the nightmares coming on. Not because it's particularly scary, but the sheer horror of knowing something like this exists! At least now I have fair warning.
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Nice review. But then again, when am I not satisfied with your videos...Oh wait, only twice. Lost and 24... But anyways, keep up the good work. Please send me a e-mail to sirdane1898@gmail.com, I need to chat and send you some free crap. Seriously.
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So how do you solve a problem like Maria's?
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That movie looks good. Just kidding. Although some of those edits were kind of interesting. This movie looks like the "2001" of crappy necrophilia, and I never thought I would say anything like that in my whole life.
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Wow, an actual torture porn movie. Up until now, the only one I knew of was "Hostel"....Although that was more of a sex comedy-horror....Except most of it is a sex comedy, then it becomes horror at the end.....Eh, never mind.
That South Park clip haunted my nightmares for months after I saw that for the first time. Thanks for that trauma again....
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Hilarious and yet the thought of this film existing is quite disturbing.
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I liked Manhunter
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is it wrong that I actually enjoyed "Hardgore"? Not like THAT. But it was hilariously bizarre and very, very 70s.
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I think Depalma saw this movie. The brief glimpse of that "Laura Branigan scene" reminded me of the Frankie Goes to Hollywood scene in Body Double.
Hell Dr. Sydney Pollack looking motherfucker could have been the inspiration for Dressed to Kill.
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I lost it at the Ted Bundy comment. It's disturbing that anyone would actually consider making--let alone acting--in something like this.
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Oh come on, not even a passing mention of the dick getting chopped of and the stump still cumming on whatsherface?
What was with the ladies when they used the vibrator? They didn't seem to know how to actually masturbate.
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My favorite was always Pussy Talk
It was very well made and Pénélope Lamour was great in it.
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That couldn't be Zardoz's cock because, as we all know, the penis is evil.
Maybe it's a novelty Zardoz gun?
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"That couldn't be Zardoz's cock because, as we all know, the penis is evil."
Of course the penis was evil! It was part of a satanic cult, what else would you expect?
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Yes because the gun is GOOD! The gun shoots DEATH!
But wait, the penis IS evil... so a gun shaped penis is what? Neutral? I'm so confused...
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Yay for more Manos references!
70s porn is amazingly bad. Then again, I've seen some really messed up hentai titles for the sake of mocking them.
Loved the opening! But where's Pierre Kirby?
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Makes me think that a lot of fighting games have pretty deep character creation, surely someone can make a Pierre Kirby lookalike! Come on Snob fanbase!
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I think the boom mike is there just to settle a bet as to whether the movie even had one.
Either that or the boom mike operator is going to be fired tomorrow and he no longer gives a fuck.
Very unprofessional, Bill.
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In a sense its a real snuff film because I died a little inside watching the parts you showed me.
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You shouting "CLASSY!" should become n internet meme.
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"They tried to make me go to the devil worhipping sex rehab and i said No No No!"
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70s to early 80s porn,was indeed it seems, a strage beast with two or more backs. Forced Entry was another desidely un-PC effort.
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I just happen to have a Soviet 16-mm 30 seconds wind-up spring camera at home... I wonder if I should film something with it.
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The leader of the orgy actually sounded quite like ZARDOZ!
The gun is good! The penis is evil!
Oh shit, I swear I typed that before you made the Zardoz penis reference.
Well Mr. Snob, hilarious review. I hope there are more movies out there with inept sound managers so we can be treated to more boom mic jokes!
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Wow when was this movie released. I really can't find an entry for it on imdb and for some reason it reminds me allot of Suspiria. It's pretty clear it was made in the 70s but damn it's kind of the same premise. Also cool intro at the start with Saints Row 2.
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Imdb filters out porn titles in their search engine, you just do a google search for "Hardgore" and imdb, and it'll pop up.
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Oops, yeah now it worked and Hardgore seems to have been made in 1974 and Suspiria in 1977. There are some similarities, maybe Dario Argento was a fan but it's clear his movie was the superior one and I'm not curious to see if there really are that many similarities.
Funny thing, I think Porno Holocaust, one of your more hated films is in the same genre with Hardgore, although the first one doesn't contain necrophilia. Oh porn what other antics will you pull to give us boners or remove it permanently.
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If you sign up with IMDb (which is free) and log in, you can search for porn titles as well.
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Hello vote history of 1156 titles on imdb
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Oh hoh hoh, awesome review. I love it when you review porn, especially because my husband is a bit more close minded than I am and gets these weird ass expressions whilst trying his damndest to not show he's laughing under that hand on his mouth.
Oh and a Flesh Gordon reference, yay! That is on of my favourite spoof porn flicks. It's so puerile and idiotic, but hey, I laughed at the Penisaurus.
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I notice you've been focusing on porn lately, what with this and the "Deep Throat" Big Box episode. Just saying...
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One complaint: you didn't include the scene where the guy in the cheap devil mask yells 'Nirvana!' that's the funniest thing the movie. Other than that, great review as always.
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Hey, I see my intro there!
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Speaking of "Manos" Te Hands Of Fate I think you should reviw that.
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I ask pretty much the same questions about any sex scene in a horror film. I'm not in the mood movie!
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I saw HARDGORE as HORROR WHORE from Something Weird Video. I don't remember the choppy opening credits, but I haven't seen it in ten years. I thought it was a pretty cool, sick sex-horror movie, kinda like David Cronenberg directing a porno.
If you disliked THIS one, I sure wonder what you'll think about the infamous SEX PSYCHO...!
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I love your work, but please Brad... No more porn...
Itd be fun to see you snobbify some of the outright sillier porns of the 70s and 80s but this and ET? This is just kind of disturbing...
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Lol
You should do The Taming Of Rebecca next
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Ugh! I feel dirty after seeing that. What the hell was wrong with people in the 1970s?
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lol I think Brad mentioned the cocaine. Hilarious Saints Row 2 intro btw. Also this video seriously made me glad I am not you. I know too much about Hardgore as is let alone actually watching the movie
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i'm sure there is someone who would fap to this....
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I didn't like this episode. There were a few funny jokes and I'm glad to see the Cinema Snob more in-character but even he should know it is pointless to review porn. Porn is simply jack-off material; there is no merit to it. Also the South Park clip was disturbing.
The logic in this film is at least better than that of Deep Throat. Am I the only one to point out how ridiculous a clitoris in a woman's throat is? Not only is it biologically impossible but there would be no way a woman would be able to get off with oral sex if she did have one their based on how the nerves connect. Also; stimulation of the clitoris is not a requirement for a woman to orgasm. I don't care if it is tongue-in-cheek; it is still completely stupid.
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I know right! And what the hell is with that Superman movie? Alien from another planet who masters the ability to fly my ass! Completely unrealistic! And don't even get me started on Star Wars. Everyone knows it's impossible to have sound and explosions in space. Booo! Zero Stars!! I'm sorry, but a movie has to be completely 100% realistic for me to enjoy it. ESPECIALLY when it's NOT SUPPOSED to be realistic. Fuck you Steven Seagal, outrunning a train crash in "Under Seige 2," you bastard. And shame on you Cinema Snob for spotlighting movies that are not plausible. Goddamn it, it has to be completely realistic for you to make fun of it. Next time you review porn, make sure it's just straight fucking and not that ridiculous plot shit. Bastard.
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"I'm sorry, but a movie has to be completely 100% realistic for me to enjoy it."
I never said that so their goes your argument. But to address your 'points':
Superman is a superhero; he's not suppose to be realistic just believable in his own context with occasional silly-science explanations. Star Wars uses sound and explosions for dramatic effect.
Why does Deep Throat have a clitoris in a woman's throat? Because the writers just didn't care. This could have been easily explained as a fetish but instead they decided to make a mind-baffling landmark in cinema by completely screwing up the main character's anatomy.
'But DesertEagle; the point of the film is to masturbate to it. Doesn't the idea of-'
Unless I have x-ray vision; knowing a woman gets direct stimulation from an erect penis touching the back of her throat is not going to increase arousal.
...I realize typing this I am going against my 'pointlessness of reviewing porn' stance but having heard of the film earlier and keeping an open mind I figured the film could be considered 'erotic art'. However, after discovering that particular plot point that just shows how stupid the writing is throwing out the notion of 'art' out the window.
A goofy sex comedy with porn? Perhaps. But not my cup of tea.
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"Why does Deep Throat have a clitoris in a woman's throat? Because the writers just didn't care. This could have been easily explained as a fetish but instead they decided to make a mind-baffling landmark in cinema by completely screwing up the main character's anatomy."
They told the director that Linda Lovelace could do this trick by deepthroating a penis and they decided to make a goofy sex comedy around it.
It was never meant to be taken seriously.
It's all there in the documentary Inside Deep Troat.
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Obviously your sarcasm meter is off right now, either that or you are brad's allotment of troll this review.
But here's the thing if you don't know and brad has said this quiet a few times that 'the cinema snob idea came about after he saw Rover Ebert give a bad review to a Friday the thirteenth movie, I thought hey wouldn't it be fun to review movies that totally don't need to be reviewed?'
So in this respect this movie is the ultimate epitome of movies that the cinema snob would review. Most of the movies he does are the movies so bad that they don't make it to theaters, or just plain explotation
And the thing with Deep Throat? Um yeah, if you're going to say 'don't review a porno because it's just pointless jackoff material' then review a porno within the same comment? Obvious fail
Nice try though
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"Obviously your sarcasm meter is off right now, either that or you are brad's allotment of troll this review."
Wrong on both accounts. I love the Cinema Snob's shtick and it usually works. Going as far as pornography, though, it is kindof off. As for being a troll; I have been a big fan of Brad Jones since I discovered him (you can find previous comments by me across various videos of the site). This is one of the few videos of his I didn't like. If my opinion offends you I cannot help that.
"And the thing with Deep Throat? Um yeah, if you're going to say 'don't review a porno because it's just pointless jackoff material' then review a porno within the same comment? Obvious fail
Nice try though"
I already clarified this.
"...I realize typing this I am going against my 'pointlessness of reviewing porn' stance but having heard of the film earlier and keeping an open mind I figured the film could be considered 'erotic art'. However, after discovering that particular plot point that just shows how stupid the writing is throwing out the notion of 'art' out the window."
But if you want more the reason why I brought that up is because its just baffling that someone would come up with that and since we are on the subject of porn I thought I would bring that up. Granted, that is a bit petty but I had to say it at some point.
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Dude seriously, you're reading as much into Deep Throat as Roger Ebert read into "Friday the 13th The Final Chapter." It's a porn. Chill. Analyzing "Deep Throat" is like analyzing the grass. It's there, who cares. (and by the way, some kinds of grass can make Deep Throat even more hilarious).
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Eh hem let me clarify
When i was talking about sarcasm wasn't talking about Brad, it would be rather idiotic to talk about brad's sarcasm because we all know he's sarcastic. And I know You've been here I wasn't offended I just found it kinda funny. I was talking about Nitpicker Nicks comment he was obviously doing it in a sarcastic manner, and you took it too seriously
On the subject of you not being a troll. Just because you've not been a troll before doesn't mean you can't be a troll now, If you've been a fan why are bringing up the porn title now? There are a grand total of four on here now ET the Porn, Deep Throat Part II, and Beaver and Buttface
Of course this being said I realize you could've found fault in your eyes it was just you read too much into Nitpicker Nick's comment and your overanalyzing deepthroat, as you said porn is jack off material guys don't normally buy it for cinematic gold they buy it to jack off and turn off, Deep Throat was made as a comedy, they knew the clit wasn't in the back of the throat they just knew the trick and came up with a 'story' if youc an call it that
Just breath relax and enjoy the rest of the snobs time here, I wasn't offended by you
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I think that film was made for me. Honestly, I like it.
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I think you forgot to censor something from the Debbie clip towards the beginning. I'm pretty sure i can see bush around the 48 or 49 second mark. Maybe not a big enough deal, and maybe I'm imagining it, but it's there.
There is another porn movie I'd like to see you review called XXX Supergirl, which was changed to an alternate title of Ms Magnificent when the producers apparently got in trouble with DC Comics. I'd be interested in your take on it.
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SuperCool! I can't wait to get home tonight and watch this. I've just got 30 more min of work and then two hours at the gym and -then- ah the bliss of Cinema Snob. There is no better night cap then a little Snobbing. If only I had your voice Brad I could leave my job and pursue a career in phone sex. Ah how the Ladies (I hope they're ladies) will love my velvety snobby voice gently caressing them over the phone. I would be the giggilo of the telecommunication crowd. But alas, I'm stuck with my high, squeeky voice that even mice and Vally Girls would find annoying. I could get a job maybe in dubbing Japanies anime or Chinees chopsocky films.
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Thanks for the DEATH BED reference! I thought the exact same thing. The comparisons to MANOS were not only funny, but spot on, as well.
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Damn, I was waiting for an Eyes Wide Shut joke.
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This one was something special all right.
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I almost bought this movie from Xploited when it was first re-released on DVD. Surprised more of the posters aren't aware that true "torture porn" exists.
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Knowing that there are people out there that seriously get off on stuff like this sends chills down my spine.
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There's a difference between something like CBT and *this* movie. I advocate neither. Nor crap like Hostel and other.. christ, really? I don't know any other way to put this... mainstream torture porn.
Look, I'm not saying I'm a big fan of global human genocide, I'm just saying that maybe there shouldn't be such a world in which anyone ever has to refer to any sort of torture porn as the main-stream variety.
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This was supposed to be a reply to SanguineSymphony, things happened, scripts were turned off, long story short it didn't work out the way I had planned.
It makes more sense when it's clear what I'm going on about.
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there is a brief but noticeable nipple that escapes your censor bar at 7:04
just thought I'd let you know. Maybe somebody already pointed it out. I couldn't be bothered to check.
Love the video! As they say "You're the Jesus that turns my internet water into entertainment wine."
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Hey Brad, great review as always. You should check out Bat Pussy. It's not a gore and porn mix like Hardgore, but it's complete fail all the way. It starts with a middle aged, hillbilly couple trying to fuck, but the guy can't get it up, so they spend an eternity slinging improv insults at each other instead. It goes down hill from there.
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I'm actually kinda surprised and a little offended that you didn't include a "COCK ROCKET!" reference from Orgazmo when the pyrotechnic dildos popped up.
PS - Saints Row 2 FTW.
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Good lord. So this is where guro originated. I knew there was a reason that I knew the 70's were inherently evil, but I didn't know why until now.
By the way, don't know what "guro" is? Heh heh... Look it up some time. Look it up and feel the pain.
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It originated much earlier
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ero_guro
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I... but... wait... I don't... why...
NOOOOOOOOOOO!
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I cheered when this was over, even though I loved this review.
I watched almost every Cinema Snob video on this site in just under 24 hours. I say almost, because I'd already seen Death Nurse 2 and the Troll review series and... I couldn't go back. Not there.
May I just say I enjoy the hell out of your videos, but the marathon thing? Not recommended. My brain... my eyes...
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Brad, you're the only internet film reviewer who found this movie disturbing, which I think says a lot about the people who review genre junk by computer. What I find interesting about "Hardgore" is the exceptionally beat-up print; this film was run to death in one of those gloriously shabby porno theaters, no doubt. The fact that no director was willing to be listed even under a crappy pseudonym like "Harry Balls" or "Ivana Humpalott" says even more. BTW, they do make fake snuff movies nowadays, but only for pay-per-view websites and the "films" are always under twenty minutes long.
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I looked up Hardgore on youTube and there is a clip from "joplinfantasy" which has 8 minutes of different scenes of the movie. What is important is that this person claims that the movie originally had a credits sequence when it ran in theaters and that it was directed by a guy named Michael Hugo, who may have been a pseudonym or a one-off director. You can see the clip at:
www.youtube.com/watch?=EQT3dYMgiGk
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"BTW, they do make fake snuff movies nowadays, but only for pay-per-view websites and the "films" are always under twenty minutes long."
Actually some are released on DVD and are feature length. Just look at the August Underground trilogy. And lets not forget all that extreme torture stuff that's made in Japan (Grotesque, Eat The Schoolgirl, Red Room, etc.).
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I'd love if you took a peek at Mats Helges "Ninja Mission"! Lots of campiness there, I can promise you that... and because I'm Swedish and would love to see something hardcore swedish on your show!
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Ha,i don't think even the likes of Jess Franco could come up with anything quite like this "Shot on Shiteo"!
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Dang it, Brad! Why'd you have to go and reawaken my dormant love for Laura Branagin! I'm 'gonna have a Hot Night - tonight' thanks to you. ;D
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Do you REALLY need to censor these?
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why dont u review hgl films like blood feast
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Dear Cinema snob
Im a big fan of your reviews, but you miss to review the worst movie of all time! Why you dont review PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE by Ed Wood??? I bet you know him and i think everyone´, which is intersted in Trashfilms has to see that wonderful movie!
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i believe brad will never review plan 9 or manos simply due to the fact that everyone knows about them and there is really not much left to say about them. plus while plan 9 had allot of continuity errors its not really all to bad. i rather him keep doing these obscure hard to find piece of shit films then the mainstream piece of shit films everyone knows about and has most likely seen. hell one movie i hope he reviews is oasis of the dead another nazi zomie film from jesse franco filled with terrible dialogue and a severe lack of gore and the worst looking zombies since ever just looks like they covered the actors in snot and candy eyeballs.
another great review brad. best use of a south park clip ever and i loved the part were you gave the scenario of a kid coming across hardgore on tv its just classic.
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"i believe brad will never review plan 9 or manos simply due to the fact that everyone knows about them and there is really not much left to say about them"
Also Brad generaly reviews grindhouse style movies. That said, I think Ed Wood's later works like Orgy of the Dead would fit into that category.
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Why do you watch these pornos, Brad? Why don't you just Google search hardcore MILF action like a sane man?
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Gurochan would like this movie.
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I know no one cares but the symbol that the cult used is the symbol/sigil of the demon Mersilde from a "magic book" called the Grimoirum Verm. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grimorium_Verum
Here is the Text:
http://www.infinite-beyond.com/scripts/grimoireverum.pdf
The symbol is on page 7 of the pdf.
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No.. Nonono.. No way. That has got to be the dumbest damn movie idé i have evere heard of!
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no way.
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In 1976, when I was an 18 year old virgin, this was the first porno film I ever saw. Holy fucking shit, is any wonder I've never had a successfulk relationshop with a woman?
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I have a theory that the lead actress in Hard Gore, Dianne Galke, may have been hearing impaired. This would account for the fact that she almost never speaks, except for internal monologues which appear to be voiced by another actress. On the one occasion that I am aware of when she speaks, in the clip linked to below, she has two lines. She mumbles rather noticably for the first one, though she speaks the second just fine, if rather flatly. I'm pretty sure it's not the voice of the actress from the internal monologues.
The idea of a deaf actress working in early porn suggests a fascinating glimpse of underground cultural history. There's a deaf actress working in porn these days. I saw an interview with her somewhere, I think it may have been on youtube. These are more enlightened times, and being deaf doesn't make her any less sexy, but if I'm correct about Dianne Galke, her disability was treated as a secret.
There are some other Diane Galke films available. I'm thinking of purchasing one. After all, she's pretty cute, and I'd love to see her without the torture dismemberment and necrophiliac stuff, which, thankfully, is sort of a turn-off to me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ib3Fk7Ih824
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Oh yuck! At least The Gore Gore Girls was funny, though usually when it wasn't trying to be (the meat-pounder to the ass, the pantsuit-stripping scene to oompah-band music).
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No offense, but the design really is horrible
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Yeah, in my opinion, this is written on every fence
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You didn't address her imagined escape from the rape/necrophilia scene! I think it would have been worth mentioning
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7:05 equals nipple. lol.
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and now i want to go to amsterdam
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