"Twilight: Eclipse" Review
Maybe this time I'll actually get to say something about the movie.
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The Cinema Snob: "Twilight: Eclipse" Review
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i totally agree..ive never seen the movies or read the books..but it does have good potential..but it was ruined by fangirls. no offense to your wife though.
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Trust me, the book isn't as good as people make it sound. Everything is told to you. descriptions of Edward take up a good chunk of the book. Every character is well developed except the main protagonists Edward and Bella. And the book is loaded with pointless padding that contributes nothing to the plot.
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If books and films was food, then the Twilight series would be the nuts in my shit!
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You are so nice to your wife
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Nice spin on getting kicked out this time. I think this might be my favorite review of Eclipse yet. I was thinking how much better the movie would be if it was about one of the backstories or Charlie monologing about Bella's bullshit.
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I've gone on record saying I HATE Twilight before, and as far as I am concerned, the movies are just an abomination made from a series that is a crime against humanity and good taste
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I still can't tell if Jillian's joking or not, she's that good of an actor.
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Oh, dude, you NEVER talk about their breasts when they're mad at you... also, neat kitties!
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Is it me or does Jillian have a little too much fun with these reviews?
Damn fine job as always, and, unfortunately, you're completely spot-on with every single part of your little tirade.
Also, good Lord, your cats are crazy!
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It appears one of the kitties has an opinion on the film too.
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This movie could have been better if they hadn't put Kristen Stewart as the lead. She is an awful actress, I have to admit. Also, they should have paid more attention to the subplots of the other characters. They are all really interesting, but they just skim over them in the movie. Alice and Jasper's in particular aside from Rosalie's and the rest of the family. I mean, come on: an abused teen locked in an asylum for being able to see the future, a confederate vampire and a rape victim that kills people in her wedding dress? Who wouldn't want to see that?
I guess we'll have to live with the adequate version we were spoon-fed.
PS- I do not imagine the cat is happy about being tossed when he interrupts the shot. Not taken out of it, but she kinda threw him on that last one. They don't always land on their feet.
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You must be kidding or not a cat owner. If that hurts your cat, it must be seriously ill.
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I own two cats AND I've worked at a veterinary clinic for the last six years. I've seen cats break legs from hopping off the couch. Plus, if they fall from a relatively low distance and are not right way up, they don't always have the time for their instinct to fall on her feet to kick in.
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While it is always sad when a cat breaks it's leg, it is at least comforting to know that they will taste great in feline stew. I mean once they break their leg you might as well enjoy them one way or another.
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I ran over a cat yesterday is his leg broken? Riah get over you self.
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Kristen Steward is a fine enough actor. Not great, just fine. At least from what I saw in her other movies. So either she got an aneurysm while reading the script or there is only so much you can do with this tripe.
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She just has no emotional range. And most of time she looks like she's reading the script while doing the scene. I don't know, she just isn't my favorite actor.
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Hahaha, the vuvuzela, nice touch.
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I Love these twilight reviews I hate the movies but i hope they make another one just so i can see brad do another review
Jarrid needs to get a cot for when the next twilight come out just so brad has a place to sleep lol
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Hey brad, Have you seen "LET THE RIGHT ONE IN"? please tell me you have! It is the best Vampire movie ever made and unfortunately it is getting remade in America because Americans are really scarred of subtitles. IT's getting Remade as "LET ME IN". Please watch the original before watching the remake. It is the best vamp movie!
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I saw the trailer....I hate shot-for-shot Americanized remakes. And yes, it is a Fantastic Vampire movie.
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Can you blame us? How can we pay attention to both the subtitles AND what's going on onscreen?
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Did... did you almost rickroll us?
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That was "Together Forever". It's Rick Astley's OTHER song that sounds almost exactly the same.
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I thought so too! I was considered being annoyed, but frankly it would have been pretty epic, so I'm cool with it.
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Well I cant argue with the ending
jillians boobs looked really nice
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lol, that was awesome! But I hope you are aware of the fact that your cat totally stole the show ^^
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lol, I 100% agree. The best scene in the movie was the bride sequence. I was like "Holy crap this is going to be awesome" then it cuts away and I was like "Nooooooooooo!". These movies make me very emotional for the wrong reasons.
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XD Best review ever. I have never been able to get through your reviews when you do them, but this one was really good XD
Everyone loves Charlie, but I think it's because he acts like an actual person both in book and movie. There's even a fan fic called "Edward the Sugar Queen" where he's in fact the main character (course he's gay and in love with Edward but trust me it's way better XD)
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That was hilarious. Now I have to go and watch the other two Twilight reviews.
Political side note: Eh, screw it. I'm not getting political here. Review = Funny. Jillian = Good Sport + Funny + Daunting. Pet Kitty = Cute.
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Oh that was awesome!
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Brad,
Not to worry! My girlfriend went crazy for the Twilight Saga, and I think they're mediocre to crap! Looks like when the two-part finale comes out, we'll both be sleeping on a friend's couch? Oh, is it possible for you to put up the original audio of Jillian's review?
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What Rick Astley song was that at the end? Because they all sound like Never Gonna Give You Up, but that one sure wasn't. Was it "Together Forever"?
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Great review. I'm kind of wondering now what Jillian was saying the whole time... unless she was made to mime for the whole ten minutes.
I don't think you can take the angst, shirtlessness, or the silly Mary Sue out of Twilight; because that was the point of the story and the appeal of the audience it was made for.
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I know people who both hate or love this whole series. I'm right there with saying the background characters are at least ten times more interesting and human like (despite being sometimes not human) then the main characters. The movie should be about them, I don't care about Edward or Bella, they're both annoying and whinny. Frankly, Bella's character makes Dakota Fannings evil little sadistic power look like puppies and unicorns. Bella's a bitch in more ways then just being pretentious and blowing people off. Every character has more heart and ideals then she does, even if they're the fucking evil bad guys. That being said, Jillian is very cool to let you make vids totally bashing the series while she loves it. Funny enough, most Twilight fans don't mind a good parody making fun of it, proving they often know how ridiculous it is at some parts, while still being compelled to like the series due to other factors. Awesome review, totally said absolutely everything about the series with out mindless bashing, pointing out flaws and being someone who "gets it" but still doesn't get why others like it so much.
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I can't tell, is Jillian acting or does she really love the movies?
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she is acting obviously
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I've not watched more than a trailer of any of the movies, but I love Twilight -- solely because it produces gems like this review.
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Together Forever. Awesome.
And great review.
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nothing says a good review like...LLOYD!!!!
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A vuvuzela and the shit that is Twilight in the same review, you have encapsulated this summer brilliantly!
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A very entertaining review, even to people who have 0 interest in the movie. I especially liked the vuvuzela joke.
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Did You even do a review of the first one?
because I cannot find it on the site
The first one i the only one i saw and I must say I wasnt totally bored because of the hilariously bad dialoge and delivery of it.
anyway, nice review and defnetly watch "let the right one in". There is even a dubbed version, but aside from the two leads its sometimes quite bad voiceacting
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I feel bad for that father. I'm surprised he hasn't shot her yet.
Great review.
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Hi Brad,
I just wanted to correct you on two things. One, Rosalie Hale was not gang raped in the 1800's, she was raped in the 1930's and one of the rapists was her douchebag fiance at the time. And Jasper acts like he has the rage virus in the first two movies because he feasted on human blood for over a century, so he hasn't fully adjusted to being a vegetarian vampire.
Of course, you probaby don't care. And before anyone decides to flame me, yes, I love Twilight. But I am also a huge Cinema Snob fan and I watched every video back to the bad-lighting days. Hell, I probably know more about Bruno Mattei than I do about Bella Swan!
Overall, I love the ending and love how you dubbed your own opinions over Jillian's dialouge. That alone makes this the best Eclipse review I have seen to date.
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Oh my God a vagetarian vampire, Hahahahahaha I can't believe this shit, is this serious? This Stephenie Meyer ever suprises me with something to crack me up. hahahaha I guess that the Vampires actually in the end may be aliens, judging by the new book of this writter. (The Host) hahahaha What drugs are this woman in, really, hahaha OMG.
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Abstinent vampires should not be your biggest problem with these books/films, it's not a new or bad concept.
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I prefer my Vegetarian Vampires to be named Duckula, Let's get the Cullens a case of Ketchup.
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I'm going to risk getting gang raped myself here by siding with you. A lot gets cut between book and movie.
These movies succeed(financially no one can deny that) the way that Last Airbender fails. Too much exposition confused newcomers and annoyed the show's fans. The Twilight movies appeal to the books fan base not newcomers.
I don't really love these movies but I don't walk away from them feeling like I just watched an abstinance psa.
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I mean it's not like it's an after school special. Had to browse to find the name of the one that I remember: "Too Soon For Jeff. High school senior finds his future plans turned upside down when his girlfriend tell him she is pregnant."
Brad you should review an after school special. It would be hilarious.
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you mean an ASS?
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UGH how I HATE the Twilight movies... like hell, I read the books, and I saw the first movie (bootleg YAY I didn't pay for that crap) and it was nothing like the book, not even close! The entire cast (save for Charlie and Carlisle) are complete crap and just AUGH I have no words to describe my hatred for these movies and the stupid fangirls it has created. I'll stick with the Women of the Otherworld series by Kelley Armstrong, k thnx.
Oh, and your wife is such a good sport for playing along with this
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Kill Lord Bill made me lol
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bzzzzzzzzzzzzz! I love you for that!
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I would love to see twilight vampires fight Real Fucking vampires, like the ones from the Blood the last vampire series, that would be fracking awesome, seeing Ciropterian rips Edward's glittery head of and just eat Bella's bitchy white ass , I would pay money to see that ( I am a sick bastard, ain't I?). Also, I would pay money to see a civil war vampire movie.
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I liked this review a lot, though that static when you cut her off were really loud.
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Brad, mate, you followed the plot details way too closely to make the rant entirely convincing!
Anyway these film related battle of the sexes issues are easily solved. Just nod indulgently, interjecting the occasional "no!" and "then what happened?". Or casually mention that, in this case, Kirsten Stewart is really pretty. Kills any girl film stone dead almost instantly. Of course, the relationship counselling takes months.
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hahahaha awesome vuvuzela-action there
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Oh no the vuvuzela is everywhere now. Ruuuuuun
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Couldn't get past 19 seconds in the video before I vomited all over myself, and had to stop the video before I had a full on seizure.
I spent almost a half hour waiting for the feeling to come back in my right arm, so that I could clean the puke off my floor and off of myself, because of this video.
I hope you're happy.
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You know that about 20 seconds in, her audio cuts out and Brad starts trashing the movie over her right?
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Watching this makes me wonder how Brad and Jillian get along with each other despite the fact that Jillian likes Twilight while Brad (and 99.9% of males everywhere) hate it
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Because different tastes in movies are nothing to end a relationship over. There are other facets to their personalities than simply taste in movies. For instance, her boobs did indeed look nice...so they've got that going on.
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funny as hell review, needs more vuvuzela though
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The slow, Jaws-like approach of the vuvuzela cracked me up more than anything. Well, that and the cats.
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Haha, you two are fucking awesome. Would like to write more, but I'm still trying to breath. Possibly best review EVER!
LOL <- for real! (Ok, kind of, sort of...
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Hilarious man.. Truly the best review of it i've seen. I've only seen the series with a Rifftrax and even THAT is painful.. i think Lloyd had a thing or two to say.. the cat steals the show every time. He needs to cameo in about every review.
The Vuvuzela joke was hilarious. as soon and the audio went back to her I thought you may be done.. then slowly the horn comes into the shot and I lost it.
If she owns the movies on DVD i suggest the Rifftrax for them. Actually makes them tolerable and enjoyable.. shocking but true.
But you are dead on with this series. The only likable people are the two Dads.
Edward is a pouty ass. Bella is mentally unstable and a bitch. Jacob is a stalker... and so on.
I hope the next movie is Twilight meets Van Helsing and they all die..
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I have no interest in Twilight sorry to all the ladies who like these series. Vampire films can be good bye not making it about sex look at Let the Right one in. Kristin Stewart is not sexy, she in real life is supposed to be really boring and not as pretty as you think. Robert Pattinson is annoying as I cant see what girls see in him, hes a way faced little twerp. The shirtless bloke thing is annoying as hell, if a owman was topless for most of the movie firstly people would moan about objectivacation, second it would not be a pg13. Rant over.
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Objectivacation? I'm getting an image of Ayn Rand on the beach writing a travelogue.
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I can't believe no one has caught this...Twilight is pretty much Buffy The Vampire Slayer Seasons 1-2
Edward, The Vampire who does nothing Vampirish. Loves the girl that he shouldn't
Angel, The Vampire with a soul does nothing Vampirish until loses soul. Loves the girl that he shouldn't
Both characters have an exact same look
Buffy and Bella both have annoying friends hanging around during high school. Both dealing with the stress of getting through school
The only difference is they throw in some Werewolves and i'm a total dork lmao
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Do not insult buffy, the most relative, intriguing, and honest show from the 90s, by comparing it to this tripe... thank you
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First off, I hate the idea of Twilight. Vampires don't sparkle! But, just because you can't keep it in your pants doesn't mean others can't. The "primary" function of sex is to reproduce. If you don't have a relationship with someone that you are willing to have a child with then you shouldn't be having sex. And don't bother with comments about condoms. A friend of mine had one break on him and now he has a kid with a stripper who doesn't give a shit about him. My God people, we could literally stop the spread of AIDS today if people learned self control. And you can forget that "test drive" crap too. If you were truly in love with someone would you break up with them because the sex wasn't that great? That's something that can be worked on. What if sex with your wife became impossible due to some illness? Would you cheat on her because it would be "unrealistic" not to have sex? It's amazing how peoples brains stop working when their trying to justify something. I actually heard someone compare it to testing a new food! FOOD? Food doesn't get you pregnant or give you VD's.
And on the religious side (whether you believe in it or not it is a basis for many peoples belief in abstinence) God created sex to be between couples who have made the ultimate commitment to each other. The fact that it is a reproductive act should clue you in to sex being intended for people who are ready to create a family. You are projecting your inability to control yourself on others to make you feel less guilty. I's like an overweight person saying that it is "unrealistic" and "stupid" to eat healthy food.
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Your friend didn't know how to use a condom. No question about it. Putting a condom on correctly is part of safe sex. 99.99% effective is not an estimate. These are the ONLY way they break: they're too old (three years or more), they were used against other latex for "double protection" (instead the friction of latex upon latex caused tears), he didn't pinch and hold so there was no room for the ejaculation, he thought he was bigger than he was so the condom slipped, he washed it, reused it, or kept it between the folds of his wallet and/or someplace hot decreasing the effectiveness through wear.
And oh, really abstinence is the way to fix AIDS? You figured it out what social and medical scientists have been writing dissertations on for over 2 decades. Congratulations! Now go tell the people who were infected by their spouses because they thought they were being monogamous that they should have been abstinent with the partners. Or go tell the young girls being sex trafficed that if they don't let men rape them that they will never catch it. OR just tell the girl next door who knows if she doesn't have sex when and how her partner wants it then he'll just find someone else who will. (Sure there's an issue of self esteem there but chances are he will leave) Even then you won't stop sharing needles, or rape in prisons. But I guess you have all the answers.
This movie doesn't even promote real abstinence. Edward and Bella have every meaningful conversation in a bedroom or else laying down together. They're quick to feel each other up, but do not actually talk about the difference and limits between actual penetration and these VERY sexual make out sessions of theirs. If you really believe in abstinence your boyfriend should NOT be sleeping in your bed every night. Let's see how well that works out!
And I'm esp. pissed about your assumption that all overweight people eat unhealthy food. Some people aren't built to be a size 2. There are big people who run everyday, and there are skinny people with type 2 diabetes.
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And for those who think the Bible is prudish and uptight about sex, read Song of Solomon!
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It should be illegal to teach abstinence in place of safe sex. Abstinence leads to naivety and disease and unwanted pregnancies. Safe sex does not mean go out and fuck anything that moves. It means actually having some smarts about sex, and being able to choose whether or not you want to engage in it or not. And if you choose to do it, then atleast you'll have been taught how to do it safely.
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With all due respect, your statement, "Abstinence leads to naivety and disease and unwanted pregnancies", is patently absurd.
Basic biological fact: Abstinence is the only 100% guaranteed way to PREVENT disease and unwanted pregnancies.
Your contention that it somehow leads to "naivety" is equally unfounded.
Young people in 2010 have no shortage of access to info about the mechanics of sex (including every form of contraception--how to use it, etc.).
When it comes to sex, about the only message young folks today AREN'T getting is, "It's OK not to.".
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The definition of abstinence certainly doesn't lead to any of that; but when people are taught this, they aren't taught about safe sex. Then you have young people who get caught up in the heat of the moment and who have not been properly taught about how to do it safely. It's abstinent "programs" that I have a problem with. You shouldn't be left to find out about safe sex on your own, you should be taught it. Abstinence programs promote naivety. They do result in unwanted pregnancy and disease, because safe sex is not taught by these programs. This isn't unfounded, it's a proven fact, I've seen it myself; my grade school and high school taught this BS.
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An abstinence program, like anything else, can be done well or done poorly.
There is, in fact, a considerable body of evidence that, when implemented properly, abstinence programs can and do achieve successful results.
Anyone interested in investigating this subject further may find the item below to be a good place to start:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/discussion/2010/02/03/DI2010020302025.html
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That's not really true at all. Well, the part about it being the only way to prevent unwanted pregnancies, etc. is true of course, but the idea that abstinence is not promoted as much as anything else to teens is complete bullshit.
Safe sex is hardly taught to teens, and taught correctly with accurate information even less so. Of course the facts are out there, but it isn't what's being shoved in their face all the time.
My wife had a lot of classes in college that dealt with and discussed this subject and she would have a field day with the ridiculousness of your comment.
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There was nothing "ridiculous" about my comment.
The larger culture today (including just about any major media outlet you care to name), in innumerable subtle (and not so subtle) ways continually conveys the messages, "Virginity is for losers", "Everybody's doing it.", etc. to young people.
Messages to the contrary are few and far between indeed.
I do not know what was taught in the college classes to which you refer.
But having spent a considerable chunk of my own life on university campuses, I've learned long ago that the difference between what is said and done within the "ivory tower" and the way things are in the real world is, not infrequently, the difference between day and night.
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You point out a core flaw with abstinence programs. You assume teens and other young people will listen to you 100%. Simply saying "Don't do it" will be enough. Abstinence programs only serve to blot out the idea of sex entirely, rather then imparting wisdom and knowledge to teens with raging hormones. Remember those years? We all had them and we can all agree we made stupid mistakes during that point in our life.
So I'm with Brad on teaching in depth knowledge on safe sex. Heck, encouraging masturbation would be a step in the right direction cause that comes with 100% protection from pregnancies and VD's. But then again you're going the bible route so that would be another no-no...
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Abstinence programs do not simply assume teens will listen "100%", nor do they simply say "Don't do it", etc. (read the item I included in my post above).
And I'm pretty sure the kids have already got the masturbation thing down pat.
Would that the youngsters today had as little difficulty in locating their own country on a map as they do in locating their own zipper.
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This is absurd. Nature really, really, really, really, desperately wants you to have sex. It is, functionally, the entire point of being alive -- you live pretty much only so you can reproduce. As a result, there are HUGE biological impetuses to make people go screw and titanic amounts of resources dedicated so species can go get their freak on. These impulses are not easy to ignore, especially when one is a teenager.
Abstinence programs make the bizarre assumption that rebellious, irritated teenagers hopped up on hormones and perhaps other substances will think about sex in a rational, completely non-emotional way. This is absurd on multiple levels.
It's far better to just assume teens will do it regardless of what you say and try to make the best of the cruel hand that hateful bitch Mother Nature has dealt all species with gender by teaching ways to lessen the risks.
It's much easier to go on a diet, after all, than to just stop eating entirely.
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Abstinence programs make no such assumption (see the item included in my post above).
Of course, sexual urges are very powerful. No one denies that.
But what is equally undeniable is that such urges are CONTROLLABLE, and the decision to engage in sexual activity is DELAYABLE.
And there is really no connection with eating/going on a diet.
If one does not eat food or drink water, he/she will die.
Not so with one who chooses to delay engaging in sexual activity.
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Brad is absolutely right. God forbid that people actually have respect for a teen's ability to make their own decisions. History has shown us that to preach or to legislate any kind of prohibition of anything pleasurable leads to far worse consequences than anything that it was intended to prevent.
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There is a reason why a person has to be certain age before they can legally use alcohol or tobacco, drive a car, enter into a legally enforceable contract, etc. (not to mention the very existence and purpose of "age of consent" laws themselves).
When it come to most teens(specifically, ones that are still minors)two facts stand out:
1)They have no real world life experience on which to base any decisions they might make (this is also why, as a parent, it is generally a pointless endeavor to attempt to argue or negotiate with them).
2)Their parents/legal guardians are legally and financially responsible for them. Thus, said youngsters are effectively shielded from most of the consequences of their actions. If they get into a jam, someone else will pull them out of it.
Thus, in and of itself, the notion of "respecting a teen's ability to make their own decisions" (in the sense being discussed here) is, to say the least, a generally unwise proposition.
Abstinence programs are not about "prohibition". At root, they are about instilling self-control (see the item I shared in my post above).
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Anonymous, people like you need to just go the fuck away.
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Kryll,
So, according to you, people who express disagreement or present an opposing viewpoint need to "go away".
My, what an intelligent, well thought out sentiment.
A true picture of tolerance and open-mindedness.
You must be very proud.
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Poor Brad. 'Twilight' cockblocks him again.
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Maximum kitty! :3
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still bums me out that the guy who made 30 Days of Night directed this. he went from actual scary vampires to......this....ugh.
gotta love the vuvuzela bit or when your cat is all up in the camera all "just what ARE they talking into all the time?"
i was expecting a "I love you???" at the end but talking about her boobs seems more fitting. I'm a girl and i had to think and say "huh he's right."
and at least jerrid doesnt get kicked out of his place lol i can just imagine you too having to sleep outside or something. or at least on that rockin kitchen couch
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Awesome review Snob.
All I can say is if I want to see REAL vampires and werewolves ripping each other apart in a massive brawl, I will stick with Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. Thank you very much XD
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Has he done reviews of the other Twilight movies and Can someone point me to them if he has?
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There is a review for New Moon under the "Movies and TV Reviews" archive but not one for Twilight.
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Brad- Ah yes. This was comedy gold. No myself, I've never seen any of the Twilight movies, despite the fact that my sister's daughter want me to see it with them. Yeah right, just as soon as they see Near Dark, Nosferatu, Day Breakers and Blade 1 & 2 (but not 3) with me first. Ha. However, maybe this is just the rock and roll of the young people was we old guys just can't get in to it. My dad was never able to appreciate what Heavy Metal meant to me and I've never been able to sit through any opera with him. Next, I'd like from you more 80's retrospectives. Like Sword and the Sorcerer or this David Caradine fantsy movie that I think is called DeathSport, along with Circle of Iron and the original Death Race 2000 (not the Jason Strathem junk that came later). Or the Richard Lynch made for TV 1979 flick Vampire (even though it's technically the late-70's and the 80's really didn't begin until the introduction of new wave music and styles in 1981 with Thomas Dolby, Kaza Goo Goo, Duran Duran, Flock of Seagulls, Bannana Rama, and other pop icons that will love FOREVER.....ha...
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Sword and the Sorcerer, seriously? That movie was. . .not good. Though I heard they're currently making its sequel, due to come out this year or next.
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Dude- I don't know what you're talking about. The original S&S was all kinds of awesome! But I did find this so-called sequel on Imbd and watched the trailer online and OMFG was that horrible. I mean, that's a classic example of how CGI can multiply the suck Q of any movie. Thanks for responding. I implore you to give the original another chance....Ha.
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Great review Brad...really funny. I liked the bit with the vuvuzela....not terribly original but well performed.
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Is there a version of this of the original review of your wift though? I'd really like to hear it even though it will be the same as for movie 2.
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Oh my God, getting dragged to see this movie with my best bud by my sister and two of our female work friends was worth it to understand this review. Seriously, there was not one single thing I didn't think of/agree with in this review (the things Brad said anyway). This review along with my first "Ethnic Movie Theater Experience" have proven to fulfill my entertainment dollars spent.
I thank you from the bottom of my soul.
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Oh, great job on the review. I never really cared for the books or movies. I've read at least a few pages of the first book and I nearly threw up in my mouth because of it. The books gave me this impression "hey boys and girls its okay to be a complete controlling asshole to your lover. Also, its okay to be emotionless and think its okay go kill yourself." Ack, this whole series is just a complete waste of time, and teaching people the wrong things in my opinion. If the books/movies where more interesting I would care a lot more.
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I love this review. Funny, accurate, and wonderful. I hate everything about this series. Both books and movies. I watched the first movie because I like vampires films but it was horrible! I tried to read the books at the urging of some friends, who's literary advice I will never take again. Why is this crap popular? I can't believe that this crap is what's being marketed to young women these days. Bella is a noncharacter. No personality whatsoever. And this is what we're supposed to be identifying with? I'm insulted. I really am.
And yeah, the two leads obviously don't actually want to have anything to do with these piles of garbage. Watch some of thier other stuff, they're not bad actors. In this though. Nothing.
The whole Twilight seires needs more vuvuzela. It would be greatly improved but it.
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The only reason why crap like Twilight is popular is because MTV and teen magazines tell young girls that this is what they should like no questions asked. On top of that some of the people who have seen this wretched movies have seen little to none actually good films, if those same people gave something like Interview With The Vampire or even something like Near Dark a chance they would realize how much shit this series is. I completely agree with you on the points you made about this film!
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Stephenie Meyer is Mormon, so of course abstinence is going to be a focal point of her romance story. Also, Twilight sucks and Stephenie Meyer and her views are not a good representation of other Mormons. Thanks for your time. Shadowdancer out!
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I see a cat!
But I don't think cat is amused by Twilight either.
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Follow up to the last comment...I will agree that the side characters are far much more interesting than the main cast. I don't care for Twilight to begin with, but the vampire sibling family have much more interesting bg.
Safe sex is sexy.
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Poor Jillian. XD
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Well this movie isn't so much as anti-sex as it is anti-sex until after marriage. That's right Edward is a christian vampire. God this movie is dumb.
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Kristen Stewart is a decent actress. Just not good enough to play the lead role. I think she is one ofthe main reasons I do not like the movies. She could play a supporting character and it wouldn't be as bad. I am also annoyed at how much the little fan girls lust over Edward, Jacob and even the ones that lust over Bella. It is like Twilight is made just to be masturbation material for teenage girls with no lives. My best friend loves the movies and books and I have sat through the first 2 with her just to be a good friend. But I always tease her about what she will do when I leave. What is it about the actor that plays Edward. He isn't even that hot. I will admit the actor playing Jacob is pretty hot and I do think Kristen Stwart is hot. Just a decent actress.
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Sweet review. I could crumble up these movies and maybe make something worth using as a coaster. If I want to see a werewolf movie, I'm go watch the original wolf man movie. Thank you very much.
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This was, without a doubt one of your funniest reviews!
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great review except FUCKING EAR RAPE!
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"Your breasts look nice today?" Do you ever really say that to your wife or is that just something that sounded funny in your head, because if that IS a common thing you say it's no wonder you end up getting kicked out on a regular basis. Hell, it would be a small miracle she married you
In an age where free sex with casual partners is considered normal practice among teenagers, I don't mind when bad fiction acting as propaganda for abstinence is being sold to impressionable young teenagers. Still, I'm glad that my last ex-girlfriend (who was no less a fan of the series than Jillian) didn't follow that advice or I would have been missing out on a lot of fun
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CS, you almost killed me. NC did a review too, but yours made me laugh the entire time! My stomach hurts
You're so right, Charlie is the only really likable character, and Bella the worst of all. They should do movies about the background stories and a sitcom with Charlie as maincharacter.
Unfortunately I still have to wait to see it, as I life in Europe. But I remember the second one. Seriously, I laughed almost during the whole movie, it was so bad and ridiculous! It was so much fun: complete silence in the cinema, only me laughing quietly.
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Great review really liked what you did with this one.
The vuvuzela part was pretty funny.
Jillian does some fine work.
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"Your boobs look really nice today".
Best complement EVAR!!!
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blame the snob, brad!!!
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Twilight's message of abstinence is very positive and can be applied to areas of life other than humping each-other silly.
Currently, I'm abstaining from being a billionaire. It's brave moral decision on my part. I've made a long term commitment that means penny pinching until I'm in a meaningful relationship with the right bank.
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I'm planning a rewrite of Twilight. Not with the same plot, oh no. In my version, Edward is a proper vampire. As in burns in the sunlight is evil and MUST drink HUMAN blood vampire.
If all goes to plan Bella is hospitalized by the eeeviiilll vampires in the first book and then gets eaten by werewolves in the second.
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Nice job of not repeating yourself. Twilight is just an example of dreadful writing becoming successful because it's reaching a market that is completely dry. There are no alternatives to Twilight in modern times.... sometimes I wish that the girls of today would go back to reading Shakespeare or Emily Bronte. At least then they wouldn't be raping vampires, werewolves and the English language.
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lol was that a vuvuzela?
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You know, I sincerely hope they do make Breaking Dawn, just to see what kind of "review" would happen between the Snob and Jullian. I don't know if she just pretends to be a big fan of the "saga" or not but if the fourth book is made into a movie, with EVERYTHING kept intact, I wanna see the Snob just go nuts, regardless of what his wife thinks and in the end have HER be the one kicked out of the house! XD
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TWILIGHT FOR GUYS----FUNNY AS HELL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOpyyrtzgBU
SERIOUSLY....WHY WASN'T JILLIAN CAST IN THIS SOON TO BE AMAZING EPIC BLOCKBUSTER ???
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Great show, Brad! I loved how you ripped apart this film and described all the various ways it could have been better. The comedic routine with Julein is also priceless.
About the whole abstinence thing. Got to agree with you partially on this one. While people (and teenagers especially) are better off abstaining until marriage for procreation; knowing not everyone is going to be on board with that program due to our brains hardwired for sexual activity teaching safe sex in school is pretty good advise.
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Yes, everyone knows that sex is incredibly evil and dangerous, shameful and something you should only ever do in a controlled environment, such as when you're 35 and married, after having spent your whole youth in a state of torturous sexual repression.
...Fuck you.
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That was a freaking awesome video..I guess that is the common response in here.but It is true at all points.
I really wait for the day when this fucking serie is over,but i guess Steph M could do more Twilight books(And Movies,that WILL follow) And thus dooming us all to the 200.00000 Years of Eternal torture and hell.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA and thats all i have to say about that.
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Hey long time lurking fan.
Just wanted to say this was one of the funniest sketch styled reviews I think you've ever put out. I fell out of my chair laughing so hard. Especially at the boob comment at the end. Thanks man. I really needed to laugh today.
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Holy shit!, I thought that was you in a wig for a second.
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TEAM CHARLIE
Hell yah!
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Thank you for doing a review of this!! You are completely, and 100 percent correct on this,sir. Charlie is the only really great character, and that's mostly because a lot of the secondary characters don't have that much dialogue-driven scenes compared to the terrible trio.
I read the series back when the first Twilight came out to see what the fuss was about. I call it a 'beach read.' Not great literature by a long shot, but the premise is okay when you don't want to have to put all your concentration into what you're reading. Of course, I also refused to call whatever the Cullens and those other creatures have become vampires.
I well and truly wish that Jasper (the Civil War vet) had his own movie or story. A Civil War Major turned into a vampire, discovers he has the ability to feel and control others' emotions, and is used by his maker to command a vampire army battling for feeding territories, killing the vampires who become useless for the battles? SHIT YEAH!!!!
However, if possible, I would wish Stephenie Meyer NOWHERE near the production of either the movie or the book.
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Kirsten Stewart is very good has Joan Jet in the Runaways.
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No offense to anyone who actually likes this series, but I just think the films are awful. The characters are not interesting or likable,and the story is sub-par at best. Though I do think some parts of the Eclipse film are hilarious. For example, when Jacob kisses Bella without her consent and she punches him in the face, breaking her hand in the process. That is just funny.
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I opine that to receive the loans from banks you must present a great reason. However, one time I've got a term loan, just because I wanted to buy a house.
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Though Hermes replica omega adds certain replica TAG elements such as the replica rolex subsidiary seconds dial luxury rolex watches that is a circle within rolex datejust 116234 a square, and the rolex datejust 116234a textured inner rolex datejust 116234b dial. Not to large, the rolex datejust 116234c case is 36.5 x 36.5mm in rolex datejust 116234d size, in steel. Seems like the case has rolex datejust 116234e a nice satin, or rolex datejust 116234g sand-blasted look to it.
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