Child Bride
Notoriously rejected by the MST3K crew, The Cinema Snob looks at the infamous "Child Bride."
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The Spoony One
Tenebrous Kate
Eccentric Cinema
ThatGuyWithTheGlasses
Cinemassacre
Revolving Video
Shaun Millington
Shriek Freak Arrow in the Head
Leslie Jones Blastoff Network
I Spit on Your Taste
Vault of Horror
Bloody Disgusting
Varied Celluloid
Patrick Rodriguez
Avante Garde Theatre
DjDaymage Halloween Mix
Cheap Arse Film Review
Forgotten Junk
Banned From the Video Store
The Experience Cinematic
Fistful of Cult
Video Hero's Hollywood Rant
The Horror Channel
Full Moon Reviews
SFHFF Review
The Cinema Snob: Child Bride
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Oh man, I remember this movie in my grandpas movie collection. Explains alot. :/
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Hey Brad, have you been getting some of these movies from Barnes & Noble? I know that they've got a DVD section of these bizzare exploitation movies. I have seen last week's movie, Blood Feast and this one for sale.
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Now this is where Stanley Kubrick would be compared to Terrence Malick, if Terrence Malick made "Lolita".
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This really wasn't the most intense Snob movie, but for the 1930s it was the Salo of its time.
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my keyboard is covered in Not See Kola thanks to your "Tree of Life" joke.
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Creepy. Ugh. But yeah, I can see why MST3K would pass it up, though it would have been interesting to see what they would have done with it!
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The snob RIGHTFULLY didn't show it, but there is actual 12 year old nudity in the swimming scene for like 5 fucking minutes straight. What the fuck
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Oh my, rejected MST3K material, and something from the 1930's to boot!
Will "Freaks", "The Terror of Tiny Town", "On the Mesa of Lost Women", "From Hell it Came", something from Ed Wood's 1960's/porno era, "They Saved Hitler's Brain", "Starcrash", "The Kidnapping of the President" (starring William Shatner no less!), "Chopping Mall", or "Sextette" be forthcoming?
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Terror of Tiny Town that's the one! I want to see you sno that one!!
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lol at john woo movies
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Well, schools back then specially in south had one room and one teacher... so yea all ages where in one class.
As for this movie review... I feel dirty... very dirty, I think I need a few showers now, I can't even think about how many times you must of showered after the movie then the edit.
But if there is a shortage of Lava soap in your area we now know why.
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I just wanted to say that, of all the TGWTG crew, you're my favorite. You seem to put out the most content on a weekly basis; that must be exhausting! More rejected MST3K fodder would be very interesting for you to do your Snob thing with.
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Yeah. he might be my favorite too, but its a close three-way battle with him, Phelous and Oancitizen. Oancitizen has at least a small edge in one respect, in that all three have reviewed A Serbian Film, but I found only Oancitizen's to a fair and good review.
Still, Brad has the advatnage of a massive back archive, probably coming close to 200 now of just the snob!!, and immense variety of shows.
yay
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Actually Brad gave the only fair and honest review, since he's the only one who reviewed it unscripted and out of character.
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Yes. Despite all of Oan's deconstructing, the argument that the movie is just empty shock value is still valid reasoning. What I think Oan's review did was put the story and tone into context with serbian film making and history, but it didn't go far enough to validate its existence. Especially when you compare it to other shock horror and exploitation that didn't intend a political message.
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Oan writes ok, but I prefer Brad's take on the Cinema Snob character, as opposed to Oan's Cinema Snob character. Brad's is more satirical and humorous, where as Oan comes across as a little too pretentious and uppity.
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Hagan already did it. Still a great review though.
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Between your and Hagan/Apollo Z's review, I think I've seen all the footage I could tolerate. Actually, the pedophile stabbed the child's dad and framed the wife for it according to Apollo Z. Funny thing is this is in the Public Domain.
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In my copy of the movie, she stabs him, he knocks her out, tosses the knife, and then walks in the other room to die. The pedofile breaks in and picks up the knife to put it in the passed out mother's hand. Not sure if it's different in other versions.
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Could be that the pedophile knew that the mother would have an easier time going through the legal system than would the daughter. Not necessarily framing the mom for it, but putting faith in a jury to not convict.
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I live in Missouri, near the Ozarks and I'm insulted! I'll have you know the rope and corn ear treatment works damn fine! Better than your raggedy ass damn-yankee medicine! Why when my cousin's uncle's brother's nephew's great great great grandfather shot hisself in the foot during The War of Northern Aggression they gave him the ol'rope-n-corn an he was up and walkin' just like that!
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Living in the Ozarks, this...sounds like everyday talk, but where's the mention of the current weather?
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I was watching Dracula: The Dirty Old Man review when you posted that this was up so I had a double feature of things that made me wish there a bathtub safe belt sander. Now to cleanse my palette with I Spit on Your Grave.
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Oh boy, another movie set some place south of Sister-Fucker, Missoura....will the fun never end
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Pedobear: The Movie.
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Well, I give you credit Brad... you do callbacks all the time but whenever you mention a movie even in passing you have not reviewed... you do review it. no matter how horrible... so many showers... the water won't cleanse my brain...
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Color Correction failure.
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Yay Tree of Life joke 8D
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I haven't felt this unclean since seeing the Brooke Shields movie 'Pretty Baby'.
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I can see why this movie was passed up by the MST3K crew left this one alone, but this reminds me more of old films that were calling for reform to child labour laws or the creation of the NHS. It's easy to look back at these films with 21st century morality and say 'well, OBVIOUSLY this is wrong', but films like this were made as a means of commenting on something to get the laws changed and bringing a problem to a public who were ignorant or disbelieving of the problems existence.
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Okay after learning there's some graphic content that wasn't mentioned in this video, I'm inclined to think that while the main intent of the filmmakers was to bring attention to a problem.. but someone in the films production had ulterior motives in working on this film.
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riftwolf:
You're making the mistake of taking this film at its word that its purpose is to "expose" and "condemn" underage marriage. Exploitation films of the 30's always had to hide behind a phony moralistic facade claiming to be exposing the evils of the lurid activities they wanted to show and crusading for their abolition, but it was all bullshit. There's a ton of these movies supposedly "condemning" White Slavery, prostitution & and general Godless "fast" city living, and of course in particular cocaine & marijuana addiction (Yes, Reefer Madness was just pure exploitation, an excuse to get away with showing "wild" drug parties on the screen) The actual "lurid" content of these old exploitation films might be laughably tame by today's standards (Child Bride's skinny dipping scene being a glaring exception), but this was the only way they could get away with showing it.
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Why did the beginning part of this film remind me of Das Weisse Band? Probably because both have to do with pedophilia, and are both extremely terrible movies...
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haha Tree of Life joke!
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They was creepy in them there hills.
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Actually, back then, child marriage was a serious and commonplace problem in far off, heavily rural areas of the US where people could go months without seeing any kind of state official. Oftentimes, the husband would just ask the father for his daughter without even saying two words to her.
This topic was also covered slightly, and a LOT more tastefully, in The Color Purple.
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Tween Acres?
I got nuthin....
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I'm also surprised no one mentioned the dwarf in this movie was Master from Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome.
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Not just that but he was in the other two notable 30's Exploitation movies (Freaks and Terror of Tiny Town)
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Easily the most disturbing film you've reviewed so far Brad. Excellent work as usual
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Now the only question is how censored is Brad's version. I'm pretty sure the one on The Internet Archive is uncut, but I KNOW the one on YouTube has most of the... uh... questionably legal offending youth scene excised. It's pretty obvious, given the lack of blatant undeveloped nudity. It goes from undressing, but not naked to only the non-graphic swimming shots. It changed a bad film with a reeeeeally awkward scene to just a bad movie. You know, kind of like the MST3K version of Sidehackers, which cut the graphic rape flashbacks intercut with children playing. Holy god was that uncomfortable and unfitting for an otherwise unremarkable film.
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I was at a sci-fi convention where Trace Beaulieu mentioned this film. Now that I've seen this review, I'm glad I never sought it out.
And yeah, the midget did play Master almost 40 years later in 'Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome".
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Man, talk about a funny coincidence. I just watched Diamanda/Apollo Z. Hack's special review of this yesterday (as well as that particular part of the interview with Mike and Kevin on YouTube), and earlier today, I was wondering if you would ever review this film, so this was definitely a pleasant surprise. Still, I'm sorry that you had to see this exercise in extra-strength ickiness.
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This is the first time you've reviewed a movie I've actually seen before. Nice!
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Brad, are you going to see Gosling' new movie 'Drive'?
Looks pretty good.
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I liked Drive better when it was called Transporter, and I liked Ryan Gosling better when he was called Jude Law. XD
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Kind of reminds me of Tokyo's recently banned manga "Okusama wa Shougakusei (My Wife Is An Elementry Student)".
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man, there were some great gags in that video. Bonus points for name checking ghoul-faced-glam-rock-paedo gary glitter
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It's too bad that the film completely misses the point. From what I'm seeing here, child marriage is not the problem with anything in this film. Forced marriage is the problem in this film.
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Interesting. Where can I watch the full interview that segment was taken from?
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When I heard MST3K passed this one up I decided I have to watch it not knowing much other than the title. I mean if MST3K considers it more horrid than MANOS and Plan 9...well there is a morbid curiosity for those of us to hunt the all to elusive 'worst film ever made'. Worst Mistake EVER not researching before watching.
Really when you see some other movies - the plot etc is not that horrid. But the 'questionably legal' scene in the Internet archive version had me very quickly fast forwarding. No amount of showers will get you clean from this movie.
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Gravy? In a spelling bee? Is that an allusion to the spelling bee episode of "Ed Edd n Eddy"? Or just an eerie coincidence.
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It's a coincidence. I absolutely detest "Ed Edd and Eddy."
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I figured as much. It's just that Gravy seems like such a bizarre word to get the joke across. It's not exactly a common everyday word, but I digress. This is still another great review!
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It's funny you chose to review this movie. I just happened to watch it on tv the other day. This is a slightly disturbing movie. I guess tho you thought since it was on cable the other day what better time to review it now that its fresh in the people's minds. I didn't really fussy this movie that much aside from the disturbing subject matter it wasn't that well done. Also thank god the tv version has the 4 minute nude scene with shirley mills removed as it made for a much less creepy viewing experience. Anywho not a terrible movie but still not a good one.
A movie you should consider reviewing in the future which is slightly less controversial would be one of jodie fosters first roles in The Little Girl Who Lives Down The Lane. I think TLGWLDTL would be chock full of things that would go great in a review
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If you're interested in the full interview with the MST3K guys I found it on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlVdQn2uuXg
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Ok Mr Snob child molesting..how dare you!?!? Fucking awesome I love the part where the girl takes her shirt off and... no wait- great review as always despite your reference to the Tree Of life ( Ok it was fucking brilliant.) Maybe if you listen closely Gary Giltter crys while watching this vid!
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I haven't been this creeped out since the "plot twist" in The Naked Kiss.
And the reverend looks like Robert Fripp.
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Okay, that one was just icky.
I guess if they HAD done it on MST this would have just added to the list of movies that provoked Crow to call for the South to secede.
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Man, I'm glad MST3K let this one go. You can only rely on backwoods yokels for so long before the pedophilia weighs you down. At least other southern fried turds had Boggy Creek creatures, giant leeches and killer worms.
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The weird thing about this is that bits that bits that seem really dodgy to us would have seemed relatively innocent in the 3Os. The theme would have seemed shocking but the skinny dipping was probably have passed pretty much unnoticed.
I do sometimes wonder how, in the grand scheme of exploitation cinema, we went from this to corpse-humping and new-born porn? And at what point film makers stop even making the pretence that it serves some moral or political purpose.
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i find this highly appropriate and well fitting the current situation at hand
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVcfZEE7U2s
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Possibilities really open up when one lowers their standards. It works for women AND movies! =)
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I need to take a shower, too. With napalm!
I can see MST3K rejecting this, I would have, too, but somehow it's like NAMBLA telling Kenneth Eugene Parnell to take a hike!
You might want to review USS VD: SHIP OF SHAME after you take that shower. After THIS turkey, watching it should be a breeze!
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Oh god, Child Bride. This is gonna be interesting.
Of course, you mentioned having this movie in one of your early reviews. The one with the weird-looking kid who seemed about to go Oedipal. "Of course, I own Child Bride." And I was one of three people to get the reference.
And yes, during the skinny dipping scene, they show child nudity. Jesus. There's a reason the MST3K crew needed a shower afterward.
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Wow you're on a watchlist now for seeing this movie! I wasn't sure at 1st aout the title as being what it sounded like and sure enough it was exsaculy that!
So, now the Snob has standards!?
Oh it's easy to make fun of when it isn't being shown. See Family Guy for exsamples!
I don't think that was the South that was mountain folk, hillbillies!
You do known the dwarf guy makes me think you should sno that old western from back then that had an all midget cast!
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Oh, man. Thank goodness I don't live in the Ozarks. I just live near a mountain in Tennessee where...a river is...and tons of kids (and teenagers) go skinny dipping/swimming in their undies...-.-' Fuck.
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Since when is the main page broken and displays wrong videos in the posts?
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Brad, I believe you are being overly dramatic.
Many films feature nude actors/actresses that are below the age of 18.
That does not necessarily make them bad or offensive. I watched the scene with the naked girl swimming in the lake, and it wasn't vulgar or insulting or even gratuitous.
It was nothing more than a young girl skinny-dipping in a lake.
Here is the link to the movie:
http://www.archive.org/details/ChildBride
Keep up the excellent work. I wish you could focus more on reviews and less on anything else, but whatever you chose to do I will still appreciate and enjoy your movie commentary.
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i don't feel ..good please stab my eyes out ...holy fuck there is child nudity ! but anime is censored just because the character looks young but real children could be...ugh no why what world do we live in....oh yea the kind that has toddlers and tiaras ...exist someone just shoot me
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Speaking of anime, I wonder if Brad has seen Boku no Pico.
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HIS NAME WAS COCO
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This film is just uncomfortable to watch, i can see why MST3K turned this one down you cant make jokes about pedophilia in good taste you could only make sarcastic remarks like "pedophilia is wrong? no!?" then your out of material
the subject has to be crafted in the hands of a master like in Lolita,wheres theres some objectivity and depth and you shouldnt have to explain your movie doesnt condone child marriage Sherlock Holmes eat your heart out
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And now you're making my husband cringe and cry inside. Soon he'll be recreating the crying game scene. I know it.
Keep it up, Brad! Gracias.
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Brad, you made my husband die a little inside. And now I just know he'll do the crying game scene, I just know.
Keep up the good work. Gracias!
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You find the weirdest and funniest shit Brad!
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