E.T. Week: Nukie
"Nukie" is a movie so unwatchably bad, that E.T. Week can only go uphill from here.
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Tenebrous Kate
Eccentric Cinema
ThatGuyWithTheGlasses
Cinemassacre
Revolving Video
Shaun Millington
Shriek Freak Arrow in the Head
Leslie Jones Blastoff Network
I Spit on Your Taste
Vault of Horror
Bloody Disgusting
Varied Celluloid
Patrick Rodriguez
Avante Garde Theatre
DjDaymage Halloween Mix
Cheap Arse Film Review
Forgotten Junk
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Fistful of Cult
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The Cinema Snob: E.T. Week: Nukie
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Fucking Imbicilic Retarted Shitters
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I'd also like to say good job as always Mr. Jones. You manage to sift through the bowels of hell themself and yank the horrid shit out of Satan's asshole to provide us with some solid entertainment. Keep it up sir. Keep it up. ^_^
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You spelt "Retarded" wrong.
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Oh God. Not this movie. It's like someone skipped ripping off E.T. in favor of ripping off Mac & Me... and drank a quart of window cleaner before touching the camera. What an absolute colon cleanser of a movie - just watching it will leave you in the bathroom for hours.
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I loved the commodore 64 reference in this episode.... but what a shitty movie, im really happy i never watched Nukie.
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I have it on an old VHS tape, but I never watched it. And now I'm very because of that
Anyway, great review, one of the best!
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Badass review as always Mr. Snob.
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Loved the Film Brain spoof. E.T. week is getting better and better! Maybe the next two will be far better than this.
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Holy shit, I almost asked yesterday if you were going to review this but I kind of didn't want to subject you to it. My boyfriend and I made it up to the dance sequence before we couldn't take anymore of it.
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the good scientist looks like Dr Tease, funny review and the symbolism bit was funny!
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Actually chimps are not monkeys, they are apes.
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Shit! Now I'm gonna have to take the whole site down.
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It's down 40% of the time anyways.
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Works great on mine.
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ACTUALLY, this is one of the few sites that I have never had a problem with. Must be your sweet Win 3.1 80386 boggin down. Dont Fu**in correct Brad douchebag. WHy would you even waste the time to do so? ACTUALLY
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i can't believe you passed up a chance to make a "now that's what i call a close enounter" or "brings a whole new meaning to inter species erotica" ala Kevin Smith joke. TWICE. you sir have more will power then I.
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Thefrench box cover actually ripped off Mac and Me
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Wow this was great! The review that is the movie looked mind numbingly retarded!
Nukie!? What country made this!? It looks like it wa made by somebay in like West Texas or Mexico or if it really was filmed in Africa it was done in one of the richer areas as you put it everyone sppoke perfect English!
RIP random Brittish milk man!
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Nukie is indeed a South African film
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You need to inject some Nuke before you can watch Nukie.
That's either the science foundation or the Cook County Juvenile Detention Center.
I would still rather watch Nukie instead of Transformers Revenge of the Fallen.
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Did anyone notice when the snob said "That's Stomp" that the keyboard the alien was typing on was actually a Atari ST?
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I remeber reading about "Nukie" a few years ago and couldn't be entirely sure if it wasn't something like an April Foool's Day joke. But wow, apparently it was real.
You're a brave soul, Brad.
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Oh man, I remember seeing a review of this on Something Awful!
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What the hell were the idiots who made this movie thinking? "Let's make a movie about two E.T. rip offs that get separated. One gets trapped in Africa and makes friends with two starving African children, and the other gets stuck in some boring laboratory in America and makes friends with HAL 9000's retarded brother. And then nothing really happens. The kids will love it!"
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I'm pretty good at enduring things that are tedious, nonsensical, and poorly made, so I might enjoy Nuki.
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To quote the Cinema Snob character, Scott, 'What the hell was that?'
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I dunno... I kind of like the monster suits. That could just be because they remind me of something you'd see in a Tom Baker episode of Doctor Who.
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You know what, I agree. The costumes are poorly made, but they're not repulsive. For all it's known faults, the only thing I really hate about the movie Mac and Me is the aliens themselves. They're creepy to me, especially the adult MACs.
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Yeah... designing a suit that resembles a deflated blow-up doll drenched in brown paint is not the best strategy for creating a cute monster. Nukie, on the other hand, has a sort of endearing look. Like a ramshackle Trumpy... haha.
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I can understand why the company that made this doesn't include it on their IMDB page. I wouldn't want to admit I'd made this piece of shit either.
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Well... At least this one wasn't a porno.
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THANK FUCKING GOD FOR THAT!!!
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Oh God. Oh my fucking God. I remember watching this movie, and being deeply disturbed by it.
I was only 8 years old. Do not cry for me, the irreperable mental scarring has already been done.
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It could be worse; the movie might not have had EDDI. He's the only reason I would have kept watching.
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The title makes it sound like a Toxic Avenger rip-off.
I did it all for the Nukie, come on, the Nukie...
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wow, this was 100 minutes?! this movie looks so bad! awesome review as always. curious, the nun looked like the mum from mary poppins.
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The aliens look like naked and badly aged versions of Dopey from Snow white and the seven dwarfs.
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wow , well , that was painful , and looks like a movie worthy of hurting Joel/Mike and the bots if it was shown to them on MST3K.
by the way , am I the only one who thought that the ape sounded like Betty from Kung Paw: Enter the Fist? XD
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Glynis Johns, what the hell are you doing here?
This movie has a 1.9 on IMDB. Clearly 10.9% of film goers are masochists.
Great review, Brad!
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The Nukie with the African animals part reminded me of Turbo: A Power Rangers movie. And of you value your life, you never want to remind me of Turbo.
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Did someone set fire to the costume of Dappu from Gekisou Sentai Car Ranger and use it in this film?
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E.T week is awesome! I mean, the movies are horrid, but Snob you are hilarious! Keep up the fantastic work. You are by far my favorite reviewer.
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WOW! I can't believe this movie was THAT bad. This is probably one of my favorite Snob episodes in a long time. The symbolism joke is easily the highlight of the episode.
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Nukie? More like dookie!
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I was really enjoying this review until I heard that Matthew Buck's milkman passed away so suddenly. You know, life moves so quickly in this crazy world, sometimes it's easy to forget that everything can be taken away from us without a moment's notice. Every experience that makes up this life -every sight, sound, taste, and emotion - is transitory, a fleeting flash of data that is over as soon as it begins. All we can do is try to appreciate each moment as it rockets past the station of our limited awareness.
So let me just say this: I love you - all of you. I love Brad Jones and each one of his friends who work so hard to bring joy to our lives through this site. And I love every one of you who read and posted to this thread. You are all beautiful and unique. The world would not be what it is without each and every one of you. I say this now because I can. I say this today because none of us knows what will happen tomorrow.
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Oh God, oh man! Oh God, oh man! Oh God, oh man! I still cannot believe you did not understand all the devious rhetorical devices employed by the genius who directed this staggering masterpiece. Please kindly remind me to send you a nice bottle of Port in order to help you comprehend the underlying brilliance of this masterpiece of s...
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I might have to disagree with you on this one actually. Given I haven't seen the whole movie, only what you've shown, but for a crappy shot on shitteo movie I will have to amend this one for at least trying a bit harder. I didn't mind the costumes at all, they're some of the BETTER "E.T" creature, troll, thingamajigs that I've seen and the uneven blinking gave it character in my opinion. Yeah, there were definitely some wtf I think my brain just imploded scenes and the whole bit with not just flying everywhere was ridiculous, but they also managed to shoot in Africa (or what looked like Africa) with appropriate animals and african people (despite speaking english). It LOOKED more believable than a lot of other stuff I've seen. As far as being able to hear the animals talk, or just the monkeys from what you showed, I can believe that I guess, they are aliens, maybe it's normal to be able to communicate with them. (shrug) Anyway, badly made movie with lots of holes and problems, oh yeah, but I don't think I'd toss this one on the bottom of the list anytime soon. ;D
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YES! I remember reading about this on Something Awful when I was 12 years old.
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Hello kiddies, please check out my face book page:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/International-Fans-of-the-Movie-Nukie/135820159771783
Your pal,
Nukie
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32 likes! WTF?!
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Yes, 32, become number 33 today!
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You know, the computer sounds like the best part about this movie.
Which isn't saying much, but still.
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Hello, i'm from frigging England... Is it me or am I the first to notice Mrs. Banks from Mary Poppins is in Nukie as the nun Sister Anne.
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Not to mention the mother from "The Ref" with Denis Leary. And did I mention how much seeing her in this film just made me remember how much better both "Mary Poppins" and "The Ref" are than fucking "Nukie"!
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I watched this review both high and sober and at first it freaked me the fuck out and after re-watching it sober (which in hindsight turned out to be not a good idea at all!) it depressed the shit out of me! Just the sheer stupidity and complete lack of logical thinking that went into this fucking movie! I can't get the line "America! Help us!" out of my head. And it's not even because the idiots who made this movie tried to shoehorn in some bullshit moral about feeding Africa. What depresses me is that the money used to make this film could've went to some starving African village! WHERE THE FUCK BONO AND BOB GELDOF WHEN THIS FUCKING MOVIE WAS MADE? Think about it, the money that went to make this movie could've saved a few people from dying of starvation! THESE PEOPLE NEED TO BE HUNTED DOWN AND SHOT! Brad, I can't possibly imagine the amount of grief that watching this whole movie has put you through, and my condolences for the loss of half of your brain.
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hahaha naked Roseanne in teh moonlight xD
.. but your best line was (don't remember the name of reviewed movie).. describing the 2 headed monster: 'looks like one of those aliens from Mars Attacks! is raping Skeletor'..
I have never laughed so hard in my life xD
Brad, you're so funny, keep doing this
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It was that Death Magot Bingo or something like that one! With the goofy arthouse style Frankenstien story!
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The deal with this clunker is that it's an international co-production between South Africa, the UK, and the US. They announced the movie in 1988 - it came out in 1993! So it's a shelved movie, probably because the money ran out (the re-use of footage points to that.)
I've never seen Nukie....first I heard of it was on the old Stomp Tokyo website, and now that Brad has run bits of it, I vow to never screen it.
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Watch it the second or third time, and yes it gets worse because you will notice the subtleties; the chimp sticking his tongue into Nukie's mouth, Nukie's suicidal statement, how the beam Nukie turns into varies in size, the pack of beer in the space research place, and the chimp licking the snot from Nukie's nose at the end of the movie, oh and Nukie seems to pick at his nose throughout the film.
So, do you think you'll watch it again?
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Oh and one more thing...
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=136880216332444&set=a.136878919665907.16568.135820159771783&type=3&theater
Hail Satan.
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Worst Steve Railsback alien movie, ever! I'll take him making out with Patrick Stewart any day!
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*teleports*....huh?...am I back?...oh, right...
...I literally died of laughter when I watched Badi...but they threw me out of Hell because when I came there after my death, I still laughed like crazy for months (or maybe that was even years? who knows, it's hard to keep track of time in the Hell, you know?), so they got really annoyed with my constant laughter and kicked me out...
I laughed at every second of Badi...but this one...it's just...sad...it's so SAD, it's so sad that this sadness kills me...damn...oh, well...heaven, here I come...*dies of sadness*
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Why, Glynis Johns?! Why?!
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Those were some bad costumes. It made the aliens from Toy Story look like the aliens from Mass Effect by comparison
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Yep, brainwaves without a brain! That's Nukie!
I recommended this one to you wa~y back when you were on youtube, and again on your Bat Pusst review! Do you hate me now?
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I remember this playing odd hours on Showtime in the 80s. I never watched it because...come on, Nukie? Really? It was also a South African production, so watching it would have been against the anti-apartheid boycott.
On the other hand, you could totally do a double feature with this and Space Mutiny. In fact, doesn't this movie even have the same title font as Space Mutiny. It's also one of the few movies in history that makes Space Mutiny look good in comparison.
In closing, I feel compelled to echo the words of The Phantom a couple of posts above. Why, Glynis Johns? WHY?
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Is Richard Moll the voice of E.D.D.I. ? It sounds just like him.
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I did it all for the Nukie COME ON the Nukie COME ON so you can take that cookie and stick it up your YEAH stick it up your YEAH stick it up your YEAH
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To go from one of the most revered live-action Disney movies to... this... breaks my heart. I hope Glynis fired her agent after this movie was released.
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Oh dear god. I remember requesting a beating on this shit bomb ages ago. I figured the snob not doing was a sign that he was more sane than I thought. Never did I thing that he'd actually DO it. Why...? Why did you even touch this? You didn't need to!
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The voice of the computer (and also the monkey) is actually voice actor Arthur Douglas, who is the German dubbing voice for Kent Brockman on The Simpsons and Chef on South Park, among many other roles. He's got a great soothing voice. Strange to hear him in this.
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Sorry i can't even make a story out of this snippet of a movie.
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Bizzarely the opening in Africa reminds me of the opening in Power Rangers: Turbo. That movie started with a weird wizard version of E.T. accidentally landing in Africa when he was in fact aiming for Angel Grove.
Sadly the eveb more creepy thing was the Japanese version had a E.T. mechanic helping the Rangers out.
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I don't know how I missed this one, but after I asked you what the most offensive one you ever reviewed was and you said this was, I had to check it out.
19:04 literally made me not be able to breathe for a few seconds.
Awesome, awesome stuff. Keep it up.
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