Goldengirl
It's Olympics season, so The Cinema Snob checks out this forgotten 1979 flick starring James Coburn and Susan Anton as an athlete who gets her strength from a chemical by her former nazi father! This may be one of the greatest movies I've watched on this show.
Also, please check out the official poster below for "The Cinema Snob Movie."
Also, please check out the official poster below for "The Cinema Snob Movie."
Haha! Better than being accused of being a man.
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Did anyone else's thoughts go to that anime Sage reviewed, "Golden Boy"?
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No. And it still hasn't.
Although, now that you mention it, Kintaro probably would win the gold in cycling.
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I just love when you take on different genres than you normally do
And this was no exception. I really enjoyed this review, and especially the jokes.
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I tried looking this movie's IMDb page up via Google, and they're not convinced that I am not trying to look up The Golden Girls.
Look it up, that TV show is the first result.
Then the 1979 movie is the second result.
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What? The movie is called GoldenGirl and it' NOT SET IN MIAMI?! Da Fuq?
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Is this the first time the snob has actually liked a movie that he has reviewed? I can't recall having ever seen that before.
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There've been a couple movies where Brad's gone out of character and said he likes a movie even though he's Snobbing it, but we've never had the Snob himself like a movie...
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That's not true, the Snob likes the Pierre Kirby movies, and he liked "Death Bed," "Nightdreams," "Salo," and "Hitler: Dead or Alive."
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Hehe. Her name is a Pokémon.
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I knew Linkara wouldn't actually be reading From Hell because he liked it. No capes, too much moral ambiguity.
I will watch this movie if it has a DVD release though.
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I wonder if he'll do a future episode on the comic for AT4W, or do the same thing as Southland Tales and review both the comic and the movie?
Better get Warner Archive on the line to release it on DVD!
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"I will watch this movie if it has a DVD release though."
Ouch. No offense, but me being the hardcore VHS aficionado I am, reading that sentence was on par with hearing something like "I'll watch this black-and-white movie if it gets colorized, though".
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Well, you can still watch a black-and-white movie on DVD
According to this logic, you should only watch black and white movie on an authentic 1940's film-projector
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I never heard of this one but it does sound pretty cool!
So they found the hormonal drug that can turn women into tall statuesque Nazi Dominatrix-es? I say they put this stuff out on to the shelves now!
I was really expecting the side effects to be something more out there and normal for a Snob movie... like it's turning her into a guy!
From Hell!? I've been wanting to read that book for years!
All this Golden Girl stuff and not one Golden Girls reference?!
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Great review, but you may want to keep an eye on the clock on the shelf while editing.
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Ball from Empire Strikes Back? EMPIRE?! Oh Brad, Brad... I sincerely hope you did that on purpose as fanboy flamebait, otherwise for shame!
Oh and I would have called Nash over Linkara for a WHO joke... and probably gone with something about being hopped up on jelly-babies (although I did get the randomizer joke, it was painfully forced).
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I'm pretty positive he's referring to the probe droid.
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I think so, too, but the floating orb droid from A New Hope would make for a more accurate reference.
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Figger?
i was hoping for a yiff joke somewhere in there...in animal not here...id be kinda hard to fit into this movie
And don't is a 4 letter word!
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The dad is Curt Jurgens, better known as Karl Stromberg, villain in The Spy Who Loved Me.
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Aw, someone beat me to the punch in pointing out that that guy's totally the villain from The Spy Who Loved me. I was hoping Brad would've mentioned it, given all the other Bond references this episode!
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Great one!
Now, for the next review, how about Decathlon with Dolph Lundgren?!
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As far as I know, only "trailer" of this movie is available on the DVD called "42nd Street Forever: Volume 4 - Cooled by Refrigeration"
BTW, is that Jerrid's voice in the "Dear, Cinema Snob" joke?
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That opening though.
Leslie Caron is in this???? Oh wow...
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HI ROB!
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Looks like a good movie to watch in a double feature with "Personal Best". Too bad they didn't have a Betty White cameo in the movie!
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Holy shit Goldeen is a Pokemon.
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I love the title card!
I saw a recent photo of her, and I must say that Susan Anton has aged INCREDIBLY!
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yea, it's hard to believe she is 61!
either she takes really good care of herself or has a really good plastic surgeon... or both.
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Wait, Jerrid got a credit in this?
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He was the one who wrote the furry letter.
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Okay, seriously, my favorite part in this one is about 5:40 in. The look on Coburn's face when he realizes he just sat down on the billiard chalk is great, that sort of "hey, something just unexpectedly went up my butt" expression killed me!
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Sounds like Coburn's playing the same character he played in the Street Fighter starring Charles Bronson.
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Do you mean Hard Times?
Didn't particularly care for this review, because even when Jones seemed to break character, I wasn't sure whether he was really complimenting the movie or not.
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Oh my God, the Lewis cameo was funny as hell!
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Dr. Who? Oh Brad, not you too. Are there any of you internet reviewers that don't watch Dr. Who?
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Actually I really don't watch "Dr. Who." I had to use wikipedia to come up with that joke.
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Thank God. I thought all hope was lost. I think Doug has said that he doesn't watch Dr. Who either.
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I think everyone should watch a bit of Doctor Who at some point. Classic for shoddy effects, Nu-who for overly intricuet storylines.
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Overly intricate for people who don't know how to use spellcheck perhaps. Or was that typo supposed to be funny?
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I don't watch Dr. Who, either. So, I guess there's three Internet reviewers that don't watch it.
Wait, I'm not on TGWTG. I don't count.
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HOLY SHIT. DVD-R Hell Brad Jones and The Cinema Snob are the same person?????
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Dude, spoilers! LOL
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Great review as always. I hope you will review Carnosaur movies soon!
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It did always piss me off that they got rid of the quarter pounder and cocaine sandwich. This movie just reeks seventies from it but I think that's part of the charm.
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Linkara? More like Stinkara!
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What the fuck!?
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Yeah that was a lame cameo almost anyone else would have been better :p
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You are a horrible person!
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You can get this on dvd-r at twisted anger dot net and mod cinema dot com.
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Check out her website: http://www.susananton.com/home.asp
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Any one else notice Robert Culp from the Greatest American Hero in this film?
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Hey, for the "gold" you should have done some sort of golden shower film, lol.
I found a couple of weird films, Dawna the Dead, and Erotic Nights of the Living Dead. Both came up in an unrelated search, and both look like just your king of movies.
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Holy hell, I remember this film! My folks used to own a VHS of this along with "Married to the Mob" and "The Last Wave." An eclectic grouping, I know, but still!
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She'll make a perfect model for Dr. Goldfoot & his Bikini Machine.
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Best Linkara cameo ever.
By the way, what a bizarre movie. It's like someone took several drafts of different scripts and this was the result. It's been a while since I've seen Brad have such a hard-on for a movie. I think Susan Anton is mostly to blame for that.
Oh, and nice furry joke. I can't have enough of those!
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25 minutes of the Snob? SWEET! Still waiting for a Xuxa film review!
From another Brazilian fan!
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it was good until linkara showed up
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I honestly thought this movie would involve urination fetishists.
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You misspelled "hoped".
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I'm glad you included a Payback quote. Otherwise that would have been mean, man.
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I lost it at slow survivor.
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Also: 30 years before the doctor was in the Olympics, he was in the Olympics.
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Pretty disappointed that Linkara didn't notice the opportunity for a joke about the Peter Cushing doctor.
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Great work Brad, this was highly entertaining. This looks like the sort of crazy movie I'd enjoy.
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Great work as always, Snobby! Would love to see you have a crack at reviewing the horror films "Fatal Games".
I would also love to see you review the infamous "The Apple" from 1980-words fail me how horrible but brilliant that film is!
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Just watched the trailer. Looks insane.
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"I'm sick and tired of all this protein crap! I want REAL food!"
...Protein-rich whole foods as opposed to what? Overprocessed chemical-rich prepackaged foods full of table salt, refined sugars and hydrogenated fats? ...Fucking really?!
Excuse me for being a snobby health-nut here, but I think that this flaky cunt should go fuck herself!
I did enjoy your review though, Brad. Keep up the good work.
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Based on an awesome book I read about 10 years ago. It's funny as hell so it sounds like the book was faithfully translated. Plot matches up 1:1.
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And here I thought the weirdest failed attempt to turn Susan Anton into a superstar was her summer replacement variety series with Mel Tillis, Mel and Susan Together. I still think that but now, this definitely runs a close second. Did she sing the theme song?
What a cast! James Coburn, Curt Jurgens AND Leslie Caron? How is it I have not heard of this movie? I like how the scientist lady chides Coburn’s character for jumping to the “Nazi” angle regarding Jurgens’ character, while I immediately thought, “That’s precisely where the script is going with this, right?”
Of course it was right!
Captcha word: sweating. Oh, the irony.
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It kind of reminds me of Black Swan, only with an olympic runner instead of a Ballerina.
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I like to imagine that your neighbors don’t even question the weird shenanigans that happen around your house anymore.
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According to '80s Dan', Dan and R.O.B., and the Crabtree family are his neighbors.
I think they have too much shenanigans of their own going on to really notice the Snob's...
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Brad- you should review Gymkata. I'd love to see what jokes you come up with about a gymnast killing ninjas with a Pummel Horse...
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Hey brad, its ryan, from wizard world, i just wanted to let you know that if you are ever down in my neck of the woods down in hilton head, south carolina, my father and i work at a country club so if you ever need somewhere to stay then you can come to berkely hall country club, we might even throw in a free round of golf
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Can you tell me why USA boycotted USSR olympics? What was the reason?
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It was in protest of the soviet invasion of afghanistan (yes, the USSR had an afghanistan war, too. It went about as well for them as america's is right now...)
Many of the U.S.'s allies joined in the boycott, too.
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The USSR lost their war in Afghanistan because the USA secretly gave weapons, funding, and political support to local freedom-fighter named Osama bin Laden. Oh, how that came back to bite them...
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Yep.
One of many, many Reagan policies that's ended up biting us in the ass.
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Reagan wasn't president during the Moscow Olympics.
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Reagan wasn't president during the Moscow Olympics.
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I knew EXACTLY what the Dr Who reference was about!
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Black "sexist" man has a point. Men, at their peak, are more physically capable than woman in every aspect. It is the reason why the sexes are divided in the Olympics.
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Where can I find this movie!!
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Go to mod cinema dot com under 70's Movies...
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Ahh you would think Tom Baker had a bone to pick with K-9 would have been a sufficient joke. I am both shocked and appalled not a single Coburn reference being In Like Flint with Golden Girl but hey we simply cannot have everything...I suppose. And hey after noticing Robert Culp in the mix of this insanity I was straining my eyes more so than in the T&A montage to find William Katt anywhere.
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DR WHO SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII+NAZIS ESTIO TIENE TODO
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9:55
ACTUALLY Brad, it's not really sexist if it's a true remark, you see, Humans are a sexually dimorphic species, and as such, we have varying physical differences between genders that extends far beyond just genitalia. Along with Male organs being larger on average than Females (namely the Lungs and Heart), Male muscle mass is also significantly larger. This in turn gives that coach the right to remark at his performance when compared to a womans.
You see, we don't separate genders in the olympics and virtually every single other sport in existence simply because we like to be courteous like that, but because of our sexual dimorphism and the overall effect it has on our physical capabilities.
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